Yes, that Jean Michel Jarre. When I tweeted a photo of the Aerosystem One dock at the launch event last night, I was met with replies from “it looks like a cheesegrater,” to a patio-heater, to “a free-standing ashtray,” to an “exhaust stack on a 16 wheel lorry.” And that’s before I’ve even told you of the various sex-toy jokes.

But back to the dock itself. Carved from Lalique crystal (if you’re an Antiques Roadshow-watcher, you’ll be aware this is no cheap stuff), the audio elements have been overlooked by ’70s French electro genius Jean Michel Jarre (look his stuff up on Spotify now.)

This is an actual paragraph from the Aerosystem One press release:

“LALIQUE crystal, which decorates this speaker, reveals sparkling jets of water which emerge from the intriguing Masque de Femme, an iconic motif of this prestigious crystal house. This Art-Deco style mask reveals the face of a mysterious woman, with subtle features, surrounded by aquatic wildlife. Like a fingerprint, the face seems perfectly captured in the crystal. To create this piece of work, 13 master glass-blowers blow, cut and polish crystal with their expert hands into a design that is so emblematic of LALIQUE.”

You want one now, doncha?

Measuring 42.7-inches, it’s also perfectly sized for placing your empty glass of Bolly on. How much does it cost? God knows — I had despaired for humanity far too much by that point, and beat a hasty retreat back to my south London ghetto. [Lalique]

UPDATE: I’ve been told it will be “in the region of £10,000.”