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This is strange. Apple’s CEO Tim Cook and Apple’s CFO Peter Oppenheimer will host a special conference later today. The topic: “the outcome of the Company’s discussions concerning its cash balance.” That’s £63,000 ($100,000) million in cash, people. Apple can buy bloody Tesco.
It says it “will not be providing an update on the current quarter nor will any topics be discussed other than cash.” So what could it be announcing? Perhaps some acquisition? New investments? Buy every single phone manufacturer in the planet? (It can!) Or maybe something as mundane as giving some dividends to the shareholders? Or perhaps a fund to help poor people with Android phones?
My money is on a £50,000 million project to clone Steve Jobs and develop growth acceleration and brain information download technologies.
We’ll know more about it today at 2PM GMT. In the meantime, you can tell us what you think in the comments. [Apple]
They could launch their own network of super satellites.
billions, no?
http://www.macrumors.com/2012/03/18/apple-to-host-conference-call-monday-concerning-its-near-100-billion-cash-balance/
An American billion is 1,000 million so 100 billion is 100,000 million.
Surely, In matters of finance everyone has standardised on the short scale Billion (1,000 Million). I know the British switched in 1974 and it would be way too confusing to have different values banging around in matters of international finance.
Indeed — as far as I know, everyone uses the American billion these days.
Sharks with frickin’ lasers.
LOL, I was going to post this too
Sharks with frickin’ lasers, AND diamond-encrusted iPhones.
Hopefully the iPhones are also waterproofed if the sharks plan to use them long term. I supposed if you sick enough diamonds on this might act as barrier to water.
They’re going to buy Rangers FC
OK, but what will they do with the other $99,999,999,999.99?
I don’t know anything about football, but this made me laugh.
You probably know more about football than Rangers know about financial management.
Either diversification into television sets, which is becoming increasingly likely (over the next few years anyway, not instantly!) or, a personal hope, Apple motor-vehicles (bikes and cars, I’m a biker). That would be awesome.
Buy Greece?
Cure Cancer?
Build an Apple Store on the Moon?
Buy Greece for all the ancient greek technology they could claim patents on : D
Turn to the moon into a Apple logo.
They could make good on Steve’s threat to “Go thermonuclear” on Android by buying up missiles.
Apple could be a major player in the privatisation of manned space flight! Governments can’t afford it anymore so why not a corportation like Apple. Apple to Mars in 2020!?
Perhaps Apple will buy Microsoft, thus reversing what happened at the 1997 Apple expo.
Personally, it would be better to spend that money on factories in the US to make their new devices rather than using China. That would improve their street cred.
And then maybe they’ll subsidize 2/3 off the new, higher product cost to prevent consumers paying upwards of €2,000 built in the US so they actually sell some. And anyway, there will probably be a shortage because they won’t be made fast enough. Sounds likely.
Perhaps that are going to put it all in a big vault then go swimming in it like Scrooge McDuck.
I wish this was going to be a nice exciting nugget but I get the feeling it’s just going to be dividends or something. My wish list would be:
- better wages for workers
- large contribution to good causes
- exciting buyout of a large company
- free cash for anybody in an apple store at the time
- purchase and subsequent liquidation of Google and/or Microsoft (for the Lols)
With regard to your last wish I figure that there are enough shares in the hands of “not at any price” people (founders, senior management, fanboys) to prevent Apple gaining enough of a toehold to do this. Also pure economics mean that each block of shares they buy would raise the value of any remaining shares meaning they would have to pay a hell of a lot more than the true market value to make any sizeable acquisition.
Creating their own 4G network would be pretty cool as would creating their own Fibre Optic broadband like Google is doing.
Then buy Gizmodo and give us readers free 4G
(I can dream can’t I?)
Robots people, robots…