According to reports, the Rooskies are testing an energy weapon capable of causing extreme pain and mind-control. Australia’s Herald Sun reports the beam weapon, trotted out by Russian defense minister Anatoly Serdyukov, is capable of some serious frying:

Precise details have not been revealed but previous research has shown that low-frequency waves or beams can affect brain cells, alter psychological states and make it possible to transmit suggestions and commands directly into someone’s thoughts.

The weapons tech also causes a powerful burning sensation comparable to the microwave pain rays the US uses. But do their pain rays also cause mind control? No! And what’s more dangerous than a throng of dissidents writhing in pain and willing to do anything for Mother Russia? Nothing! Red zombie hordes. The Herald Sun claims “Mr Putin said the technology is comparable in effect to nuclear weapons but ‘more acceptable in terms of political and military ideology.’” Putin, ever the olive branch pruner—what could be unpalatable about brainwashing pain rays? [Herald Sun]