We promise you, in the name of every religion, that this is the most bizarre thing you’ve have seen in a while: in 1984, Apple created this WWII-themed short film to inspire employees at a corporate retreat in Hawaii. Steve Jobs plays FDR. Steve Jobs plays FDR. Steve Jobs plays FDR.

NetworkWorld, which acquired the surreal vid from a former Apple employee, says it was inspired by the company’s recent super-success following the classic ’1984′ Super Bowl ad:

While professional actors play the key roles in “1944,” there are other Apple employees besides Jobs on screen, including Mike Murray, then vice president of marketing, as The General, according to Elliott. Because allegations that Macintosh lacked software had dogged Apple prior to its release, the film takes pains in several places to counter that criticism, including purported pledges of support from Microsoft’s Bill Gates, as well as Mitch Kapor of pre-IBM Lotus Development Corp. The crate smashed open by the hammer thrower spills a pile of software.

There is a literal infinitude of questions after watching this. Why do they make fun of Wozniak with fat jokes? Why WWII? Why does the 1984 ad Olympian appear? Who are these people? Who wrote this script? Are there any of those Apple helmets left? How rampant was the drug use at Apple’s 80s Hawaiian retreats? Why does Steve Jobs affect an English accent? Why is his face so terrifying? Why did Jobs choose to cast himself as the legendary president and man who defeated fascism? Oh, right, LSD and megalomania. [NetworkWorld]