Eric Limer - 

The smartphone fanboy wars seem both ridiculous and eternal. It’s like everywhere you go on the Internet, a simple statement of preference—even one that isn’t pig-head and disparaging—can serve as the flash point for a fanboy skirmish. Isn’t it about time we signed a peace treaty?

This agreement was written up for CNN by Omar L. Gallaga and only deals with one subset of the larger iOS vs. Android combat, but a subset that’s been in particularly heated combat lately. Sure, the whole agreement basically amounts to “just shut up” but it’s amusing. Here’s a taste:

NOW, THEREFORE, the Parties agree to abide by the agreements herein, enumerated in the terms of the articles set forth below:

 

ARTICLE 1

 

Apple Fanboys agree not to keep bringing up the August 2012 $1 billion patent verdict against Samsung as a way of trying to squelch any disagreement over who may have copied what, recognising that the case covered a limited scope of features. Samsung Fanboys will similarly cease efforts to end all arguments by discussing “Open” versus “Closed” platforms, accepting that there are numerous advantages and disadvantages to each.

 

ARTICLE 2

 

Apple Fanboys won’t list how many apps are available for iOS (more than 700,000, since the treaty brought it up) on every message board about app development while Samsung Fanboys will minimise cross-Party discussion of expandable SD-card memory, replaceable batteries, screen size, NFC technology or how Android’s notifications are still way better than Apple’s, even after Notification Centre was added to iOS and Mac OS X.

 

You can read the whole seven article treaty over at CNN. In the meantime, you can state your smartphone preferance and prepare for war in the comments over whether or not this humorous fake treaty is biased towards one party or another. Or you can turn over a new leaf and maybe just talk about puppies or something instead. Your call. Choose wisely. [CNN]