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Girls, if you’re still a believer that you might just find your perfect match on a dating site, look away now. Inspired by a friend’s (doomed) attempt at online matchmaking, Mandatory’s Rob Fee created the world’s worst-written/funniest fake profile, and let the messages roll in. Read on for attempts at flirting barely worthy of a porn-script writer.
The first part in his desperate-idiot-lure was to set up a fake profile on OKCupid, using a cute (but “not slutty”) female friend’s photo. The real creativity came in the bio though, which was so badly written, flippant, ditsy, and littered with typos that you would assume any sane person capable of signing up to OKCupid in the world wouldn’t go near it. As Fee said:
“I wanted to make this so idiotic and unappealing that no one in their right mind would show interest in this girl,” Fee says. “If you are hitting on her after reading her profile you have no interest in anything intellectual whatsoever.”
Prize for worst part (for me at least) goes to the Katy Perry quote, “A lot of preple go threw every day like plastick bags (katy perry) but I live them to teh fullest!” (sic); though the casual racism in the self-summary is a close second.
Despite all this, within 6 hours of putting the profile up, Rob/Tara_IceAge4 had over 400 views and 39 messages. This is where the fun really began. When he/she got a message from a prospective suitor, Rob replied with the sort of lines that should have any self-respecting person running for the hills… stuff like replying to “How are you doing?” with “I had horrible diarreh (sic) earlier from all the halloween candy lmao but i’m fine now”.
I’ll let you browse through the whole gallery of horrors (warning: it gets quite NSFW towards the bottom), but suffice to say, if you can openly solicit prostitution on dating sites, and not have the guys you’re talking to run away in horror (and actually try and bid you up), then it’s safe to say you’re unlikely to find you’re soulmate on there. [Mandatory]
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It’s true. It’s all true! The saddest thing is, in a real-life situation, it’d hardly be possible to exploit the horny-monkey nature of lads – those who approach women with toilet priorities.
I wish, as there are ghost-busters, there were nut-busters.
Before I started growing morals and whatnot fake dating profiles were hilarious. You find some poor soul who asks for a new picture and you send them a picture of yourself with a wig plopped on.
Shattered dreams and all that…
Loveing you’re grammr n spellng Tara_IceAge4.
And yes, the above was deliberate.
Love the bit about the ‘blaks’ and ‘asiens’ ruining ‘danceing’. But of course, she’s not racist.
“Diet: Strictly Vegan” That’s all one needs to know.
Agreed
Excuse me. I take deep offence at being bundled in with the rest of my sex in things like this. Just because I have testicles does not mean I use them to do my thinking. But this is just one of those Internet things. Given the vast population of the net finding people who will say any kind of shit is a no brainer. Of course you have no idea if the other people involved here meant anything they said or even if they are old enough to be on a dating site.
I used to have an OKC profile and my gf decided to sign up as an experiment. In the 3 months she was on the site, she received over 300 messages and many of them were very much like this. Nobody is lumping you in with anybody, but there are a great deal of scumbags out there, man.
There should have been the reverse profile with a clearly unattractive overweight woman with a great profile and seen how many chat-ups she received.
By the way, have you, or anyone you know received a Nexus 4 dispatch email?
Just asking as allegedly it’s supposed to be delivered tomorrow and I’ve heard nothing
When I spoke to the nice man at Google this morning (they sent an email asking if my double purchase was an error) he said to expect a shipping notification in the next twelve hours, so should be here before 10pm
Cheers (and that sound like you didn’t have to ring them and wait for almost an hour on hold listening to dodgy music and being told my call was important…Grrr…need therapy after that torture!).
Google don’t put me on hold.
“he said to expect a shipping notification in the next twelve hours, so should be here before 10pm”……..well I’ve got no email or apparent change in my Google Play or Google Wallet regarding the status of my order.
Guess I’m going to have to ring them again (AGH!!!!!!!).
Ditto, let me know how your call goes.
Will do
Just got off the phone with them and after he went away and checked he said that they “Your order has been dispatched” emails will be sent out within 24 hours will actual delivery most likely to be on Monday or Tuesday!
I was actually expecting them to arrive today
How hard is it to have a shipping label slapped on a box and handed to DHL, to be honest for £9.99 delivery charge on a product ordered before 10am on Tuesday they could have got it to me from Ireland (or wherever it comes from) yesterday or today at the latest, Ebay’ers and Amazon manage it ok and for Google to say they were overwhelmed shows a distinct lack of planning. Oh well….
That’s… actually a fairly accurate representation of many profiles.
To be fair, she looks fit.
Yeah, do we really need any other contributions from women ?!
I’m asking myself, and I’m not liking the answer.
Everything else is just a bonus.
Or a pair of bonuses.
Or delicious plates of bonuses.. or tidy rooms of bonuses.
so lame
p.s. didn’t read it.
tl;dr: Girl got pregnant, gave it away after aborting it, got fingered by her cousin and only charges $45 a night. All at the sweet young age of 16.
Oh yeah, it’s SO difficult being a woman on a dating site.
Try being a man who doesn’t look like Brad Pitt, I can’t think of many things more soul-destroying than sending countless women messages in the hope that just one of them thinks you’re at least worth replying to.
It’s truly horrible being a man on a dating site.
Also, hate to sound like a wet blanket but ‘tricks’ like this are cruel, not all men on these sites are sex-mad perverts, I’d say a lot of them (myself included) are lonely and trying their hardest to find a connection with someone, getting a reply from a girl you like (even if she’s an idiot) can be enough to make your day, finding out that it was just a prank could be enough to break someone’s last shred of self-confidence that they have.
Shame on the guy who made this.
If you’re trying to get with a girl like that then you should have higher standards.
Well yeah, my standards are somewhat higher. All I’m saying is that loneliness is a horrible thing, they could message that girl without really taking a good look at her profile and getting a message back would make their day. Finding out that it was just a joke could break it and shatter their confidence.
Then maybe they should read the profiles to make sure they aren’t talking to a psycho
Faith in humanity lost.