From the first microbial ooze to your most recent Facebook poke, the internet’s history is as vast and varied as any major civilization’s. Since a subject of this importance deserves only the most stringent satirical savaging, The Onion has—thankfully, blessedly—turned its gaze towards the bits and bytes that have been our ruin and salvation.

The first episodes of The Onion’s Extremely Accurate History of the Internet, below, tackles those unthinkable dark years before Google Maps, Twitter, and cat photos. The second, also online now at Yahoo, sheds light on those computer machines you use to access the internet in the first place. Added bonus and nice synergistic touch: the series is hosted by Twitter all-star Rob Delaney.

To celebrate the series, the Onion has also launched an online Dehumaniser that turns your favorite GIF into a mottled green ASCII clusternut worth of The Net.

Magic. The internet history series will continue on here, while the Dehumaniser is ready for your weirdness here. [The Onion]