Lance Armstrong — the man, the legend, the cock. Tonight, he’s going to start telling the truth for the first time in decades, when he bares his soul to Oprah. It’s going to be emotional, depressing, and great fun so long as you play the tag-along drinking game. Here’s how to watch it in the UK.
Oprah’s made the decision to split the interview into two 1 1/2-hour chunks, airing at 0200 Friday 18th and 0200 Saturday 19th. It’ll be streamed live for the whole world to see on Oprah, so if you’re willing to stay up ’till ungodly hours to see the King Fraud himself bare it all on TV, you’re in luck. If not, you can catch clips of it on the Oprah website afterwards.
If the pain of Armstrong being guilty is too much to bear, try this drinking game to numb the pain:
- Immediately shotgun a beer if he is wearing yellow during the interview.
Take one drink If Lance:
- says the word “cancer”
- says the word “hope”
- says the word “regret”
- says the word “lie”
- says the word “God”
- uses the phrase “everyone was doing it”
- blinks two or more times before responding to Oprah
- Begin drinking at the first sign of tears forming in Lance Armstrong’s cold, dead eyes, and continue to drink until he stops crying. (This may require close proximity to backup drinks because, baby, here come the water works. SeeHow to Cry On the Spot.)
Finish your drink if Lance says he regrets the way he treated:
- Greg Lemond
- Betsy Andreu
- Emma O’Reilly (Updated, because really. Hat tip IcemanYVR.)
- Frankie Andreu
- Tyler Hamiltion
- Floyd Landis
- Filippo Simeoni
- Mike Anderson
- David Walsh
- Paul Kimmage
(There are so many, I had to stop the list. Please forgive any exclusions.)
- Snort a line of salt if he admits to perjury.
- Throw entire shot, beer, Bloody Mary, glass of Malbec, whatever floats your boat and trips your trigger over your shoulder if he blames Johann Bruyneel.
Drunk-tweeting your reaction to his pathetic excuses is also perfectly acceptable. (I believe #arsehole and #patheticgit are the right hashtags.) See you on the other side.