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Yeah, yeah, I know, Valentine’s Day is just a consumerist Hallmark holiday, not really a celebration of true love, blah blah blah. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with this extra-special evening — so rather than jewellery or flowers, why don’t you increase the luuuurve with something that makes your beloved go “ooh” and “aah.” Literally. Oh, and NSFW, because…duh?
This is the Crave Duet, a dual-headed vibrator that charges via USB, and has a whole 16GB of storage in the attached flash drive (for porn, because it’s a vibrator-shaped USB drive so of course it’s for porn). It’s a wee bit pricey at £230, but to be fair, it is gold — and we all know girls love gold, almost as much as they love black siliconised vibratey thingy. £230 from Crave.
The 2.OH (why oh why do sex toys all have such terrible names?) is one of those two-part vibrators. The, ahem, business end goes where you’d expect, and then you get a remote control with a built-in mike, which literally makes you move with the beat. Or, if there’s no music, you (or your partner) can use the manual override to make things happen. £50 from Amazon.
Contrary to popular belief, sex toys aren’t just for women and they don’t all have to look like massive, garishly-coloured cocks. The Tenga 3D is, put simply, a ‘Male Masturbation Sleeve’ — or a Fleshlight, basically. Only this one looks like some kind of Origami sculpture, rather than a silicone vagina, and that’s a bit more socially acceptable when someone stumbles on it hidden in the bedside drawer. £45 from Tenga
The Vivi is a good ole’ remote-control vibrator, but that remote control harnesses all the mighty sexual power of the internet to control your device from afar. Designed for long-distance couples with a minor kinky streak, the guy (or girl, not judging) in control has manual options, and a microphone to let you rock along to some banging ‘tunes. £140 from Remote Pleasure.
Some sex toys are exactly what they say on the tin — this one doesn’t need much imagination. Once you have it ‘installed’ in the right place, the buttons let you fiddle with the level of ‘stimulation’. Oh, and it’s got a magnetic induction charger a la MacBook (someone else for you to sue, Apple), meaning it’s totally waterproof, so you can get as kinky as you like.
Sometimes, simple things are best. Although the Shy vibrators aren’t internet-connected or anything like that, they are sensitive to temperature, so you can pop them on ice before, erm, use. Plus, there’s no cables or wires — and to be honest, that’s a good thing. Sex toys that look too much like medical implements can, I’m reliably informed, be a bit off-putting. £70 from Shy
If you’d like to win one of three Shy vibrators, please leave a comment below requesting your preference of either red, black or purple, and we’ll choose one winner for each colour at random, at 9am Friday 15th February. UPDATED: The commenters whose lucky numbers came up were Despot, Igsey and Wolfeeh. Have fun!
Image credit: Passionate woman from Shutterstock
Club Vibe 2.OH
I’m sure I bought that album last year….
You’re an Elf, it would make a good fairy hammock for when you get tired of printing.
Hmm Tenga might seem like a good present for myself.
Plus if someone finds it, you can just pretend it’s a speaker.
This reads like it was written by someone whose never used sex toys before to be honest
Would you like to rewrite it for us, then?
Sorry, I already have a job that pays me to do it
Write about sex toys? I’m intrigued…
Maybe you should hire him. In the Old days Giz would properly test sex toys for this kind of article.
Ah, but that was before we started getting commenters (and readers!) to do all our work for us
It certainly helps to stretch the budget. I’m sure if you wan’t to send out some samples to commenters (and readers of course
) you’d get good reviews.
You’ve just given me an idea; going to contact one of the companies and see if they can give us some to give away in a competition. Stay tuned!
I’m not sure they’ll be appropriate for the next female oriented ‘Clintons’ Holiday on 10th March…
Bazinga
he he he, Sheldon being introduced to sex toys by Amy, that could be a good episode …
SOMEBODY THROW THAT IDEA AT CHUCK LORRE RIGHT NOW. /caps
The Macbook isn’t a magnetic induction charger, I swear? It just uses the magnets to make a secure physical connection.
You’re right there mate
And Induction charging sucks most of the time. I did see somewhere someone stuck an induction charging coil into his desk, so he could charge his iPhone just by putting it down… /That/’s how wireless charging should be
It’s also good for wireless mouse. At the end of the day when you are done clicking, just place the mouse over the dock and let it charge.
LOL at the idea of giving my wife any of these…surely you’re just saying, “here you go darling, I can’t be bothered anymore, go enjoy yourself”.
I don’t think I’m some great swordsmen but I’ve never yet needed to rely on props or had anyone suggest that props are needed so I’ll wait until the orgasmatron becomes available when I’m really past it
Enjoy your really boring sex then I guess?
Bit harsh, he only said no to props… who knows (and don’t want to know) what they get up to – different opinions & views don’t equate boring just because you seem to think props are immediately more interesting?
Not really, more of a “here you go darling, something fun for us both to play with later”. I’m not going to get into a debate about the use of these but suffice to say that I personally view additional items as a way to keep things varied – as well as things like positions, roles etc… just a bit of fun with the person you love is the way I view it.
haha. i consider myself decent in the sack (or so i’ve been told) but me and the mrs still use toys (on her, not me) as it just means she can get even more pleasure. although i am always jealous of her orgasms, womens seem to get a much better deal than us blokes.
stick some porn on too and a nice sexy outfit for her. ahh, making me horny about tonight lol
Race care driving is like sex, all men think they’re good at it.
car*
Haha! Oh dear god. I’m no prude but the words “making me horny about tonight lol” do not belong on a technology site.
yes, you are a prude then
They don’t belong anywhere in printed text for other men to read.
Men trying to ‘out-sex’ each other is the possibly the most cringe-worthy form of conversation possible. We’ve hit rock bottom. Bring on the humble-brags!
Exactly. Super cringe
http://tinyurl.com/ase3y7s
Now I’ve bought a sex toy before for my mates G/F (which I said before annoyed him) and I will warn you that the people in the shop will assume you want it for yourself.
One would not have a problem with that if it were not for the fact that every time one is shoving old pinky-absurdo-shlong inside one’s girlfriend’s lovely vagina, both parties will be reminded of old jokey-mc-jokerson who bought it for her. A distraction nobody needs!
(The majestic plural rather helps things be less vulgar!)
And your other point, one could simply buy online?
A couple of friends of mine (both male) once bought a massive dildo for a laugh. The guy in the shop just looked at them as he was bagging it up and said “Have fun tonight boys”.
Brilliant.
It was probably because they were giggling to each other constantly
Really appreciate the fact that the picture popped up on the Giz Uk home page in front of all my colleagues right now……….thanks Chris
At least it’s not the usually repeated “O” face one…
I was quite shocked to see a different picture I have to say…
Oh come on, don’t browse Gizmodo at work then if you care about people seeing your screen
Alternatively he could resign his job at the Vatican, I understand it’s the trendy thing to do these days.
darrell do I need to use magic eye to see your new profile pic?
What about Hungry Hippo?
Oooohhhhh, Buckaroo is the classic innit?
Climb aboard, slap her arse & tell her she’s not as good as her sister.
Or just call her Hungry Hippo and combine the 2.
Does the Play Shy run Android?
For you, Darrell, anything.
Well at least it has the latest version. Other OEMs could learn from this.
Better picture than usual.
Not a fan of the belly-button jewellery
Ewe, looks crap
So right. Looks like a disgusting growth!
I see no sheep.
I sure my wife would get a buzz out of this ones
If you’d like to win one of three Shy vibrators, please leave a comment requesting your preference of either red, black or purple, and we’ll choose one winner for each colour at random, at 9am Friday 15th February.
I’d love to win one. I’ll try red?
RED
purple
Purple please!
Nobody has chosen Pink so I increase my chances, surely?
Pink!
second choice red, second choice purple.
There, all bases covered.
Black. That is all.
I’d like a purple one so that it will match my bruised & distended anus.
Ta.
Black for the balance. Everyone is too shy! If I win I think I may hold my own facebook competition along the same lines. Wonder if I will get more or less responses than this:)
Hey who doesn’t love vibrators – can I have a black one please?
A black coloured one, please!
Purple please thanks.
Purple
Oh go on Red
As much as I like entering competitions, I don’t really have a practical use for one of these prizes. Giving it to a female friend seems about as creepy as keeping it.
On second though, it’d still be funny. Put my name into the purple hat.
The girlfriends favourite colour is purple so I guess I’ll go for that one. Should make up for the lack of Valentines day flowers!
Black please
I’d like a shy in red
I’d keep it by my bed
so late at night
what a delight
oh no, the batterys gone dead!
You win!
Brilliant.
I now see that this should totally have been a poetry competition.
The Vivi looks like a cock ring, or a car remote. I bought a mate one of those for Xmas for him and his GF hoping he would unknowingly open it in front of his family. I think he got questioned by his Gran about it lol
Purple purple purple! To go with the ipad case I just bought my girlfriend
Purple? Would look lovely..
Given I’ve not won a Galaxy Note II, I thought I’d try my luck with this.
I’d like a purple one please..
I must point out that it’s not for me!
I’ma go for the red one lol
I’d like a purple one please
apparently it’s the colour to tease
At least that’s what i’m told
by my girlfriend so bold
who’s lying here terribly sick with a cold
also a note from me matches the colour of our entire room lol
The PINK one.
Interesting….Pink please
Red pleaseeee
B L A C K
I had to smile whilst reading the Shy “User Guide” where it says “For external use only”. Do they really expect it to be used externally? I mean really?
I’m gonna try for a black one
Black Please!
Black! Because well, you know what they say.
Once you go black you won’t go back?
Purple please!
Purple is preference. Cheers for the competition, at least it hopefully saves me buying a present =D
Red please!
Red please, great idea for a competition!
Black one please!
Ooh so shyyy… Black one please. (:
At times like this, I wish I had a vagina.
I take it back… pink isnt an option… Black please.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
As shining lust is eclipsed by red skies
For waiting eternally dost ne’er pay;
Rejoice in thy powerful, blissful cries
For mine art also in thine honour,
Roaring high above the nearing combine,
My bounteous fruit beneath thy banner.
Had we only but world enough and time
For our amour to mature through blossom,
To flow into thy most loving embrace;
For Aphrodite to pierce thy bosom,
To harvest such crop thy cannot replace.
To love a toy is not wholly unholy,
As thy must have fun, sans matrimony!
–
Red please.
The girlfriends favourite colour is purple so I guess I’ll go for that one. Should make up for the lack of Valentines day flowers!
May be it’s just me, but it looks like the club vibe was designed so that you can “use” it in while still fully clothed. That should spice things up for your valentines day dinner.
Btw, Is it just me, or is there an usually large number of comments on this article?
Dang, I wish there’s an edit button… didn’t mean to use “just me” twice.
Look what happens when you offer up a few free vibrators, eh?
So who won?
Sorry; I’ve had an alarmingly busy day today, so haven’t had a chance to draw the winners yet (but like I said yesterday, I won’t accept any entries made after 9am today).
Will update the post with the winners in the next hour. Apologies for the delay!
Thats fine I made my entry yesterday =D
The more tech evolves and the more or the less are we likely to stay with just one partner?
What do you think?
And on another note, what would living forever do to your marriage? ^^
Have a look: http://futurnative.com/post/33330116465/until-eternity-do-us-part