A lot of gory events have occurred since the London Dungeon first opened its doors 39 years ago. Around that time, Fred and Rose West were carrying out their nasty brand of business; Peter Sutcliffe was making his mark as the Yorkshire Ripper, and more recently, a whole bunch of people ate horse. Despite this, Merlin Entertainments has stuck to what it knows best: The charm and kitsch of London’s past.
Now situated on the South Bank, between the London Eye and SEA LIFE London Aquarium, the location couldn’t be more central to the capital’s tourist hub. According to Merlin, the move cost £20 million, but was it worth the burnt notes?
Walking into the flame-framed entrance, we were greeted by a quartet of jovial costumed ye olde Londoners who slide you into the mood for fun by singing, jeering, eavesdropping, heckling, and just generally interacting with the prospective audience in a suitably brash manner. Being opening night, we were welcomed with copious amounts of sparkling wine (for the nerves), or elderflower cordial (for the sensibles), and ushered through to a smellpod-enhanced, dank, dark alleyway, where we were asked to wait for a short while.
Without wanting to give away too many of the new twists and turns, our group of 30 was led past the holes in the wall that have a tempting sign to “insert hand here”; doors that shake on their hinges as you pass them, and a sign informing us not to bring any “Flashy boxes” into the performance areas. Hmm, could they mean cameras?
Ushered past the live rats and cockroaches into a simulation lift, we were then whisked around ghoulish sights which included Henry the 8th (played by Brian Blessed via a 3D projection — coincidentally and thrillingly, we were in the same tour group that night); Mrs Lovett (not played by Helena Bonham Carter, before you ask) and Sweeney Todd, who simulates cutting the audience’s hair far too realistically for my taste. Old-timers like Jack the Ripper and Guy Fawkes still prove to be crowd-pleasers, but my personal favourite was the medieval surgery, in which the doctor’s assistant gleefully disembowels a corpse and subsequently unleashes leeches upon an unwitting audience.
While the well-known names certainly caused a few hairs to stand on end, one of the greatest things about this show were the other “attractions.” A boat ride winding through the bowels of the building; a maze of mirrors; a very disorientating optical illusion tunnel (especially when one has been force fed alcohol!), and more terrifyingly, a dark drop ride going through three floors, all in the name of simulating a hanging at the gallows.
With hearts still pumping, we were finally shown the most horrifying view of the night — the gift shop prices.
A huge amount of work has obviously gone into the creation of the revamped London Dungeon, even going as far as new ‘smells’ being created for the attraction including ‘plague’, ‘rat’, ‘faeces’ and ‘dirty Thames water’. Wonder if they distilled it from the actual Thames?
Coming from a theatre-tech background, I entered the new London Dungeon feeling skeptical that they could succeed with their aim of scaring me. However, I’m pleased to report there were some genuinely unnerving and unexpected moments, and more importantly, I was kept entertained for the full 90 minutes of the tour.
While regular visitors to the Dungeon will only see the 3D projection of Brian Blessed rather than the big guy himself, those at the opening night (which included, erm, a nice selection of reality TV stars) were treated to on-theme tankards of honey ale; a taster of some of Mrs Lovett’s pies (thankfully minus the human meat), and afterwards, a nightclub in the dungeons with a performance by The Risk.
Tickets are a scary £24.60 for adults and £19.20 per child, but if you buy online in advance, they’re a tad bit cheaper.















I went to the original dungeon some time ago, and it was pretty excellent – I’ll be sure to re-visit and experience it anew!
+1
It was really good last time i went.
Wait, so did you see a real Brian Blessed or a 3D projection one? Either way, totally right for the role. Shame there was no Helen Bonham Carter, I freekin love her, and shes creepy. Creepy love.
Gonna have to go at some point.
It appears Blessed filmed the 3D projection, so anyone who visits the Dungeon will see his work there, but Blessed himself happened to be in attendance on the opening night — I’m rather jealous of Alex, to be honest!
Both, it was a great added bonus – He was in the same group as us!
Brian Blessed was there watching a 3D projection of Brian Blessed?! SOMUCHBRIAN!
I’m surprised they allowed that. Imagine if both the bellowing frequencies of the projected Brian and the real Brian harmonised… It would be fair to say much of that £20m exhibit would be in the Thames by now.
I went to something like this once, ended up talking dirty with a bloke dressed up as a zombie and hugged him. Seemed the best way to get out of a shit scary situation. Wont be doing that again!
Does it still stink of piss?
Thankfully not!!!
I guess it is just a matter of time
I highly recommend googling Ray Peacock (genuinely on of the UK’s best stand up and a fantastic podcaster) and Russell Howard’s Good News. In the set he tells the story about the time he went with Ed (Ed Gamble, another great stand up who has been supporting Greg Davies on tour, and the other half of Peacock and Gamble their genius double act) on a trip to London dungeon.
It remains one of my favourite stand up routines.