Kisai Breathalyser Watch Review: Is This Really a Watch?

By Chris Mills on at

Tokyoflash is famous for making watches that are a bit outside the norm. But normally, that means a binary display or some kooky LEDs. With their new breathalyser watch, the Intoxicated, they're catering to a different demographic: people who get so routinely wasted that they need a breathalyser permanently attached to their bodies.

 

What Is It?

160 grams of hulking steel shaped vaguely like a watch, which can also tell you how drunk you are.

 

Who Is It For?

 

Well-heeled alcoholics; people who’ve already been busted drink-driving, or those who just get turned on by blood-alcohol content.

 

Design

 

Tokyoflash calls this the Intoxicated ‘Watch,’ but to be honest, your surname would have to be Hogan to pull this off. The Intoxicated is about the thickness of a deck of cards, only this watch is made of a weighty steel, rather than a bit of cardboard.

The end result? A timepiece that’s far more nuclear bunker than manly chic. All that said, it doesn’t really scream ‘breathalyser’ – the only hint to the Intoxicated’s part-time job is a little hole on the right-hand side, covered by a screw cap. Unscrew the little cover (which is secured onto the watch by a little steel arm, thank goodness), and the magic alcohol-measuring gubbins is revealed.

 

Using It

 

Step 1: Find a pub. Preferably somewhere you can get a drink for under a fiver, since you’ll need to have a few to actually make the most of the Intoxicated.

Step 2: Chug pint (up-ending the glass and letting out a manly yet disgusting belch is optional, and probably depends on how drunk your friends are.)

Step 3: Repeat as many times as you have beer tokens in your pocket.

Step a-couple-hours-later: Once you’ve got out of the pub and back to your car, it’s time to use the monstrosity as something more than a conversation-starter. First up, unscrew the little cap thingy. (Hint: if, while doing this, you fall over and become accidentally intimate with a lamppost, then I can tell you from experience that you’re probably not fit to drive.)

Once you’ve got the cap unscrewed, press and hold the right-most button for a couple seconds. It’ll give you a countdown; awkwardly mate your lips with the side of your watch (a position know as the ‘Shit Secret Service Agent’); blow, and keep blowing, until it beeps a little more. By this point, most drunk people will have got bored/slobbered extensively over their wrists.

If you’ve managed to jump through the hoops, your level of inebriation will be displayed on the scale of 0-properly trollied; anything above 0.35, and you’re not safe to drive.

 

Testing Notes

- In terms of actually telling the time, the Intoxicator draws strongly on the classic Tokyoflash tradition: stylishly confusing. The digital display isn’t the most obvious to decipher in the world, but it is at least bright and well back-lit.

- The physical breathalysing bit of the Intoxicator seems to be accurate – compared against a more traditional, government-approved breathalyser, the readings were within the same tiny margin of error.

- The Intoxicator runs off an internal battery, which will last weeks of simple time-telling, but degrade much faster if you constantly use it like the novelty breathalyser it actually is. Recharging is done over a proprietary connector, that'll plug into any computer USB port.

- It costs about £100, which is a lot for a breathalyser, but about on par with the rest of Tokyoflash's produce. So, free breathalyser! Or, very expensive for what is basically half of a pair of handcuffs.

 

Should You Buy It?

Are you the target of the government's scary drink-drive adverts? Are your wrists bigger than Chris Hoy's thighs? Do you routinely blow a hundred quid on a novelty? If the answer to all the above is a gently-slurred 'yes', then yeah, you should probably buy the Kisai Intoxicated.

If you're a more functioning member of society, however, then don't buy it. You don't need a breathalyser watch. You need friends. And possibly Alocholics Anonymous.