Tokyoflash is famous for making watches that are a bit outside the norm. But normally, that means a binary display or some kooky LEDs. With their new breathalyser watch, the Intoxicated, they're catering to a different demographic: people who get so routinely wasted that they need a breathalyser permanently attached to their bodies.
160 grams of hulking steel shaped vaguely like a watch, which can also tell you how drunk you are.
The end result? A timepiece that’s far more nuclear bunker than manly chic. All that said, it doesn’t really scream ‘breathalyser’ – the only hint to the Intoxicated’s part-time job is a little hole on the right-hand side, covered by a screw cap. Unscrew the little cover (which is secured onto the watch by a little steel arm, thank goodness), and the magic alcohol-measuring gubbins is revealed.
Step 2: Chug pint (up-ending the glass and letting out a manly yet disgusting belch is optional, and probably depends on how drunk your friends are.)
Step 3: Repeat as many times as you have beer tokens in your pocket.
Step a-couple-hours-later: Once you’ve got out of the pub and back to your car, it’s time to use the monstrosity as something more than a conversation-starter. First up, unscrew the little cap thingy. (Hint: if, while doing this, you fall over and become accidentally intimate with a lamppost, then I can tell you from experience that you’re probably not fit to drive.)
Once you’ve got the cap unscrewed, press and hold the right-most button for a couple seconds. It’ll give you a countdown; awkwardly mate your lips with the side of your watch (a position know as the ‘Shit Secret Service Agent’); blow, and keep blowing, until it beeps a little more. By this point, most drunk people will have got bored/slobbered extensively over their wrists.
If you’ve managed to jump through the hoops, your level of inebriation will be displayed on the scale of 0-properly trollied; anything above 0.35, and you’re not safe to drive.
- In terms of actually telling the time, the Intoxicator draws strongly on the classic Tokyoflash tradition: stylishly confusing. The digital display isn’t the most obvious to decipher in the world, but it is at least bright and well back-lit.
- The physical breathalysing bit of the Intoxicator seems to be accurate – compared against a more traditional, government-approved breathalyser, the readings were within the same tiny margin of error.
- The Intoxicator runs off an internal battery, which will last weeks of simple time-telling, but degrade much faster if you constantly use it like the novelty breathalyser it actually is. Recharging is done over a proprietary connector, that'll plug into any computer USB port.
- It costs about £100, which is a lot for a breathalyser, but about on par with the rest of Tokyoflash's produce. So, free breathalyser! Or, very expensive for what is basically half of a pair of handcuffs.
Are you the target of the government's scary drink-drive adverts? Are your wrists bigger than Chris Hoy's thighs? Do you routinely blow a hundred quid on a novelty? If the answer to all the above is a gently-slurred 'yes', then yeah, you should probably buy the Kisai Intoxicated.
If you're a more functioning member of society, however, then don't buy it. You don't need a breathalyser watch. You need friends. And possibly Alocholics Anonymous.