Apple’s unsurprising debut of the colourful iPhone 5C has added another layer of complexity to the phone-buying conundrum: you will now be judged not only for your choice of OS, but according to girls’ mag Cosmopolitan, also for the colour. Here’s what we think each colour will say about you:
Yellow: Insatiable Simpsons addiction. Fixation for bananas. Will probably cover your iPhone with black electrical tape to get that ‘hazard tape’ effect, and totally look the business at your nights spent at the Ministry of Sound.
Green: You’re proving your commitment to the environment, and scrupulously background-checked Apple’s eco-credentials before buying. You own one of those wind-up charger jobbies that doubles as a torch.
Grey: You live in Fulham or Shoreditch. The grey will go well with your Moleskin and won’t clash with ANY of your rolled-up skinny jeans. You’ve been using iOS 7 since the moment it was in beta, since you’re totes a developer. You’ll refer to the colour of your iPhone as ‘slate’.
Pink: Only buying a pink iPhone because it’ll be the perfect place for your Hello Kitty stickers to live. Candy Crush is the centre of your universe.
Light Blue: Pinterest is your most-used app, but only shortly behind whichever AR app lets you digitally re-imagine your living room. You colour-coordinate the apps on your homescreen to not clash. You own all the iPhone cases, so you can match the phone to your tie-dye t-shirt of choice.
Of course, as Apple loved to point out, the case+iPhone 5C combo is great for letting your smartphone tell the whole world who you actually are. Some examples:
Yellow and Red: You have a long-seated longing to be just like Tony Stark. Too inadequate to build your own Iron Man armour, you’ve instead settled for this imperfect blend of colours, teamed with a shameless but tasteful Iron Man phone background. Referring to Siri as Jarvis is optional.
White on White: You have a frequent need to grate cheese on your phone, because there is literally no other excuse for that combination.
Red and Blue: You’re a slightly camp but nonetheless patriotic American, flying the flag in the only way you know: through the medium of crappy phone cases.
Black on White: You’re about to embark on a spiritual gap year to the far East, where you may or may not get the Ying Yang sign tattooed on your spiritually enlightened lower back.
Green on Yellow: You lusted after these ‘sneakers‘ as a child, are going through a mid-life crisis, and are now buying this horrific colour-combo in a vain attempt to recapture your youth.
Although as Buzzfeed have pointed out, you can always colour-coordinate with your footwear:
— Matthew Zeitlin (@MattZeitlin) September 10, 2013