The Big Trends of 2014

By Liam Butler on at

It seems that everyone on the internet is trying to predict what will be the big trends of 2014. Here are some things which will definitely (probably) happen. Seriously. Promise.

 

Facebook will be ported to Teletext

Facebook's domination will continue in 2014, with Mark Zuckerberg successfully reviving Teletext in order to bring food photos and casually-racist acquaintances to even more people.

 

Your parents will stop buying stuff on the internet

After it took you ages to convince them that internet shopping is safe, your parents will suddenly decide that they don't like sending their credit card details over the internet and much prefer buying things from real shops.

 

Buzzfeed will make a ranked list of everything in the history of ever

They're getting there already with lists like 'Ranking Every Episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and '15 Hedgehogs with Things That Look Like Hedgehogs.' Etc etc.

In 2014, Buzzfeed will finally reach its natural conclusion: listing everything that has existed, does exist, or ever will exist. What will be number one? Will hydrogen be ranked higher than Joan of Arc? You'll have to stay alive in 2014 to find out.

 

Everyone will go back to Windows 98

Many people hate Windows 8. Microsoft is already working on Windows 9, but that won't be ready until 2015. Their audience is getting fed up already, though. That's why they will bring out a product that bridges the gap between Windows 9 and Windows 8...

Windows 98! Everyone's favourite operating system ever. No touch, just pure desktop goodness. They don't make startup chimes like this any more.

Who needs Wikipedia when you can have Encarta? Who doesn't want to give their desktop an ugly (sorry, beautiful) theme? Who doesn't miss the thrill of being told that their computer has performed an illegal operation and needs to shut down?

True fact: when my Windows 98 computer first told me that it had performed an illegal operation, I ran to my parents and cried and begged them not to let the police arrest me. I never felt so alive.

 

E-Cigs

E-cigarettes will continue to become more popular. Manufacturers will realise how much they resemble kazoos, and will make them play a kazoo sound each time somebody takes a drag.

Everyone will find this hilarious and the rate of adoption will increase exponentially.

...And they're my predictions for 2014. Feel free to come back next year and marvel at how right I was.

Liam is a displaced Yorkshireman living in London. He writes the blog Angry Flat Cap, where this first appeared. It's unlikely that you've heard of it. Once, he was retweeted by The Guardian. He never misses an opportunity to inform people of this fact.

Image credits: Parents online from Shutterstock; Windows 98 from Embedding Windows.