An "epic sci-fi movie" version of the video game Tetris is in the works, because if Hollywood loves one thing, it's action blockbusters based on nostalgia-fuelled brands with nonsensical plots (see: Transformers, Battleship, TNMT, really the entire Michael Bay oeuvre).
Threshold Entertainment is working with the Tetris Company to develop the film, and Threshold CEO Larry Kasinoff was adamant that it wouldn't be as goofy as it sounds. "This isn't a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We're not giving feet to the geometric shapes," he told Speakeasy.
"Brands are the new stars of Hollywood," he said. "We have a story behind 'Tetris' which makes it a much more imaginative thing."
But what could that story be???
Here's our best guess. Presenting the first and last pages of a potential Tetris screenplay, imagining how Kasinoff could stay true to the essence of Tetris while crafting a story involving humans. The first pages establish a tense geopolitical thriller and introduce our strong cast of characters (including a real female woman!):
And (SPOILER ALERT!) the final, wrenching scene:
*Not real scenes but if the actual thing ends up being less ridiculous than this I'll eat my signed Taye Diggs poster.**
** I don't have a signed Taye Diggs poster but I will eat a signed Taye Diggs poster.