What Should Mark Zuckerberg's New Year's Resolution Be?

By Kate Knibbs on at

Every year, casual wear enthusiast and Harvard dropout Mark Zuckerberg embarks upon a singular self-betterment goal. Past goals have included learning Mandarin and only eating animals he personally murdered. But for 2015? Zuckerberg doesn't have a goal set yet, and is crowdsourcing for suggestions.

Some of the suggestions are good, like paying off the student loan for one person a day. That would be a very nice thing to do. Others are not so great, like asking Zuckerberg to make his resolution adding phone to WhatsApp. Dude just said he wants to acknowledge a life outside Facebook, why would his personal resolution be to add a feature to one of the apps he owns? Dumb.

Here are some of my personal suggestions:

  • Train for a marathon
  • Build a better butt
  • No more carbs!
  • Legally change name to Mork Zoinkerborg

But what do YOU, dear readers, think the boy king of Facebook should resolve to achieve in 2015?