wtf

Noel Edmonds Thinks We're All in Danger From Crazy 'Electrosmog'

By James O Malley on at

Noel Edmonds, who is perhaps best known these days for watching people pick numbered boxes in a game of literally no skill whatsoever, has given an extraordinary interview to the Daily Mirror.

It is well known that Edmonds is into "cosmic ordering", a nonsense "philosophy" in which practitioners ask the planets for help, but this latest interview suggests there's something really strange in the water at Crinkley Bottom.

"Everything is about energy", Edmonds is quoted as saying, "We’re surrounded by electro mist, fog and smog. We’re covering ourselves in the wrong sorts of electro-magnetism".

It turns out that he's currently paranoid about "electro-magnetism", electricity, and wifi/phone signals. And it just gets crazier:

"The biggest problem we have is not Ebola, it’s not Aids, it’s electro smog."

That's pretty rich coming from the man who unleashed Mr Blobby on the world.

"The Wi-Fi and all of the systems that we are introducing into our lives are destroying our own natural electro-magnetic fields. All you are is energy, remember that."

Amusingly it seems that Noel has been hoodwinked into spending £2,000 on an "EMPpad", which appears to be a tablet-connected yoga mat, aimed at people who will believe any old shit.

The Mirror quotes more bundles of meaningless words falling out of his mouth:

"If you want to be happy you need to think of yourself as a container of energy. There is a universal energy, yes of course, it embraces us."

"When you appreciate this, life becomes a lot more exciting. You don’t live life, life lives you. There isn’t such a thing as death, it’s just departure. You cannot die. It’s been known for a very long time.

"The energy leaves your container but it has to go somewhere. You cannot destroy energy. My energy will return to where it came from – part of a massive, incomprehensible universal web of energy."

You've been watching too much Star Wars, Noel. Bizarrely, Noel also decided to wade in on Cecil, the dead lion:

"People who do these things have an imbalance in their energy system. Positivity can be measured scientifically."

Umm...

"The man who shot the lion, this is not a threat, this is science, will have karma."

Yes, "science"... Is he going to put Walter Palmer in the gunge tank?

"Something is going to happen to that guy because what he did was so utterly negative. The energy he poured out left such a big gap, negative energy will pour into him."

I think he's definitely going to put him in the gunge tank!

"Every single human being can achieve a perfect vibrational balance between their positive and negative energy. I believe it is possible to retune people."

Given that Channel 4 bosses are thinking of culling Deal or No Deal, it seems that Noel could soon be the one getting retuned. [Daily Mirror]