This is What UK Wankers Searched for on Pornhub in 2015

By Aatif Sulleyman on at

Pornhub, a site more important to many of us than Google and Facebook, has bashed out a highly-detailed report of what its users searched for over the course of last year. The stats make for fascinating, if slightly cringey, reading, and show that the rest of the world is just as dirty-minded as you are.

The graphic below shows the most popular search terms, categories and porn stars for the UK population, as well as the top gaining searches and top relative searches. One term we can’t ignore is ‘British chav’. Searches for the term were up by 312 per cent from 2014, helping it climb a massive 23 places. Hm.

‘Lesbian’, ‘teen’ and ‘MILF’ are hardly surprise entries, but ‘cartoon’ and ‘Indian’ certainly catch the eye. Why British bishop bashers search for ‘step mom’, however, is beyond us. Come on people, it's 'mum'. Worldwide, the top three search terms were ‘lesbian’, ‘teen’ and ‘step mom’, with ‘giantess’, ‘celebrity sex tape’ and ‘man eating pussy’ the top gaining searches. Giantess. Crikey.

Wank O’Clock

The stats also reveal that most people tend to get their fill of meat-beating goodness between 10pm and 1am. However, there’s also a 4pm peak, which is presumably when school kids (and teachers?) get down to business on their non-filter-restricted machines.

Women Vs Men

To celebrate the fact that an increasing number of women are frequenting Pornhub, the site’s also offered a gender comparison of sorts. 24 per cent of Pornhub visitors are female, though this figure is only 22 per cent in the UK. With a 44 per cent slice of the porn pie (not to be confused with cream pie), Jamaica's women are well ahead of the pack. 'Lesbian’, ‘threesome’ and ‘squirt’ are the three most popular search terms for British women, with ‘lesbian’, ‘gay’ and, ahem, ‘big dick’ the most popular categories.

Granny Porn

32 per cent of Pornhub visitors are 24 or younger, 28 per cent are 25-34 yearsold, 16 per cent are 35-44 and just 24 per cent are older than that. A big, spunky hand goes out to the 65+ category, where a Werthers-sucking 5 per cent are still getting their rocks off to granny-themed material. Seriously, that’s the number two search term for over-64s, after the rather disturbing ‘step mom and son’.

Sexy Tech Sexiness

Here’s where things get really interesting. “Visits from smartphones alone now account for 53% of traffic shares, up from just 45% last year,” Pornhub reports. “As such, only 36% of Pornhub traffic originates from desktop computers worldwide.” That’s a massive shift, and neatly demonstrates the ways in which our attitudes to technology have changed over the years. Porn’s no longer a bedroom treat -- you can now watch it on the bus!

In the UK, the phone is very much king. 53 per cent of us tend to watch porn on our mobiles, while 29 per cent are stuck on traditional computers and 18 per cent prefer a tablet experience. Android is the most popular mobile operating system amongst Pornhub’s mobile visitors, but only just. 47.9 per cent came from Google's OS, while iPhone fans made up 46.2 per cent. Cue yet more tiresome mud-slinging between Phandroids and Fanbois.

Meanwhile, Windows users are the horniest computer-based visitors, with 79.6 per cent of Pornhub's desktop traffic coming from Microsoft-powered PCs. Macs account for 13 per cent, though they seem to be getting friskier by the year. In 2014, that figure was 13 per cent lower.

Image: Imgur

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