Pornhub and Gizmodo UK Present a Complete Guide to UK Porn Habits

By Aatif Sulleyman on at

Pornhub’s done some terrific work regarding porn stats of late, breaking down the browsing habits of wankers all over the world. Being major smut guzzlers ourselves, we at Giz UK wanted a piece of the x-rated action, and have worked alongside the porn giant to bring you the complete guide to UK porn habits.

We'll be doing deep-dives into each of the top 10 cities listed here as the day goes on, too. So keep checking back for more.

Prepare for an intriguing, slightly cringey and highly-arousing (well, potentially) tour of the glorious United Kingdom’s top porn-watching cities.

City Wankers

Naturally, London is the UK’s top dog, with 22.4 per cent of the nation’s Pornhub traffic coming from the capital. Birmingham’s in second position, with 2.7 per cent, and Manchester, which is only the ninth biggest city, proves that enthusiasm trumps size by rounding out the top three. We're surprised to see that Newcastle hasn't made the final cut, but that's probably something for Geordies to be proud of.

UK Porn Search Habits

The following graphic breaks down the UK’s favourite search terms, categories and pornstars. Let’s face it, the only major shock is that people seem to favour ‘mom’ over ‘mum’. This has sadly been a feature of Pornhub’s previous two reports too, and it's clear that America has a tighter stranglehold on us than we previously imagined.

Despite being retired for over a year, Lisa Ann is still the apple of British wankers’ downstairs eye, though rapidly-rising star Mia Khalifa is breathing (drooling? masturbating?) down her neck. Kim K sits third on the list, which she may or may not be secretly or not-so-secretly pleased with.

‘Lesbian’, meanwhile, sits loud and proud at the summit of both the list of top search terms and the list of most popular categories. There’s a concerning smattering of motherly content too, and the presence of ‘cartoon’ is ever so slightly disturbing.

Regional Delicacies

Things become infinitely more interesting once we delve into regional stats. The ‘more often searched compared to the rest of the UK’ (MOSCRUK) entries are the gifts that keep on giving. This is where we uncover our leading cities' deepest, darkest desires.

As you can see, Londoners go big on ethnic diversity. All 11 of the listings in the capital’s MOSCRUK section relate to either skin colour, religion or nationality. We like to think that Tommy Robinson's a secretly getting in on the act too. What a time to be alive.

The rest of the UK’s top 9 porn-guzzling cities love watching their fellows get off. ‘Birmingham’ is Birmingham’s MOSCRUK term, however, like we’ve already seen above with London, Brummies also love their ethnic action. They like feet too, which Pornhub says reflects Middle Eastern tastes.

Yep, ‘Manchester’ happens to be Manchester’s MOSCRUK term, though the city’s inhabitants also like popping off to content featuring people from Liverpool. The two cities are well-known rivals, thanks mainly to football, and it looks like Mancunians like seeing scousers getting fucked off the field too.

Every single entry in the Glasgow’s MOSCRUK list is Scottish-themed, which we love. It seems there’s nothing a Glaswegian likes more than squeezing their bagpipes to a bit of home-grown filth. Rough sex and female-friendly are unlikely neighbours -- porn, though improving, doesn't have the best track record in terms of attitudes to women -- in the relative list of top categories, which indicates a broad range of preferences.

Dirty Leeds, in truth, is no dirtier than the rest of the UK, WHICH IS DESPERATELY IN NEED OF A GOOD HOSING DOWN. Loiners -- a terrific demonyn -- also loves a bit of local hardcore action, as well as a massive serving of Pakistani-themed content.

Liverpool’s MOSCRUK list is the one that’s made us laugh the most. It reads like the takeaway menu from hell, and goes to show that Liverpudlians are immensely proud of their heritage. However, I am slightly surprised that ‘Stevie G’ and ‘The Beatles’ are nowhere to be seen.

Bristol’s table is, quite frankly, as hipster as it gets. The presence of ‘fart’, ‘giantess’ and ‘ssbbw’ (super-size big beautiful women) cements the city’s position as the UK’s alternative porn haven. There’s a bit of bondage at the bottom for good measure. Saucy.

As we saw with Glasgow, Edinburghians are also fiercely patriotic. Every search term in the city’s MOSCRUK list is Scottish-themed, though there isn’t a battered cock or haggis dildo in sight.

We don’t know what they’ve been teaching up in Sheffield, but we don’t like it. ‘Vore’, which is the shortened form of Vorarephilia, comes near the top of the Yorkshire city’s MOSCRUK table. It’s a fetish, where people essentially get their jollies off at the thought of eating another person, being eaten, or simply watching.

Like Brummies, inhabitants of Leicester are all about exotic eroticism. This time, India’s under the microscope, along with Arabia and… cartoons. Something tells me it's not the kids juicing themselves over the Tasmanian Devil.

Techie Stuff

For us, this is almost as stimulating as the hardcore action itself. The UK is Pornhub’s biggest consumer of tablet porn, with an impressive 18 per cent of us happy to risk splooging all over our iPads and Nexuses. Liverpool leads the way in the tablet stakes, with 19 per cent of scousers preferring a hit of slate-y goodness, while London and Birmingham share the spoils in the smartphones race.

Bristol and Edinburgh are home to the UK’s largest proportion of traditional porn-watchers, with 30 per cent of the cities’ inhabitants choosing to get their fill in front of a computer. I’m with you, people.

Boys Vs Girls

Disappointingly, just 22 per cent of Pornhub’s British visitors are women, which is 2 per cent lower than the world average. None of our major cities quite hit that 24 per cent world average, though only Sheffield and Leicester fall under the UK’s overall average.

Big Cities, Big Appetites

We don’t know whether it’s due to masturbating so much that they’ve lost feeling in their bits or just general fussiness, but people in the top 10 cities all spend more time on Pornhub than the typical Brit, who averages 9 minutes and 18 seconds. Brummies should wash their hands and pat themselves on the backs. They’re way out in front, with an impressive Pornhub browsing time of 9 minutes and 37 seconds.


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