wtf

The Brilliantly Bonkers Balluga Bed Will Make it Even Harder to Get Up in the Morning

By Aatif Sulleyman on at

The last thing I need is for something to make it even harder for me to crawl out of bed in the morning. However, after checking out the Balluga, I’ve convinced myself that that’s exactly what I want. This thing does things I didn’t think a bed needed to do.

Through an app (iOS, Android and, bloody hell, even Windows Phone) you can adjust the firmness of the mattress, which is filled with air cells, to suit your preferences. It’s split into several sections (head, upper body, legs, etc.), so there’s loads of different combinations to play with. I found that lowering my head and raising my legs worked nicely for me, but I’m a sleep maverick who requires the flattest of flat pillows in order to drift off.

You can also adjust the temperature of the bed, heating or cooling each side independently, depending on whether you or your loved one likes to hog the sheets or kick them off. There’s an inbuilt microphone too (a bit weird), which detects snoring and automatically inflates or deflates the head or upper body sections of the mattress to shut you up.

It massages you too, and pretty nicely (if you’re into non-human physical pleasure, of course). This isn’t just a vibrate function. Balluga founder Joe Katan assured me that, despite all of its intricacies and electronics, it will stand up to a good bonking session too, which is great news. You can also give any nasty spillages and sprays the steam cleaner treatment without worrying about breaking something.

The only thing I’m not especially taken with is the bed’s design. For something that’s going to stick around for the best part of a decade, we wish it had a touch more pizzazz about it. Katan, however, told us that the company’s working on improving the Balluga’s look, and will rely on consumer feedback for fresh ideas. The Balluga bed has just launched on Kickstarter, and early birds can get their hands and bodies on it from $1,095 (£775). Katana says he wants to start shipping within six months.