Whip your formal bits off and slip into something sexy. It's Friday and the last one out of the office is a
sad loser rotten egg. Yes, it may seem hard to believe right now, but you're another week closer to retirement. If you can't damage your liver to that, what's the point?
Try not to spend more of your precious time off getting crumbs and hangover sweat all over your bedsheets, while watching re-runs of Gossip Girl. Here's what you could be doing instead. We'll start with minimal effort.
What do you mean, you missed our Tom’s extensive round-up? Allow me to provide a refresher. Our Android app of the week is Eat This Much, which, let’s face it, requires little explanation. Velociraptor, which is like Google Maps but with speed limits, is worth a spin too, especially if you're gearing up for a dirty weekender.
The iPhone crown, meanwhile, belongs to Hooked, an app that tells thriller-style stories through text messages. Honestly, it’s better than it sounds! If you can stomach the prospect of planning your weekday commute in your spare time, check out Railbuddy too. On the iPad front Hippo Pics essentially lets you take advantage of keen photo editors’ skills whenever you want to.
What’s that? You’re stuck on Windows? Of course you're still invited to the party. Send Anywhere's a really simple file-sharing app with as little baggage as you wish for, and you should absolutely try out Awesome Tube too, the latest and greatest third-party version of YouTube. That’s toilet time covered.
Yeah, sure, button-pushing counts as exercise. There’ve been loads of new game releases this week, so limber up your hands (if that’s a thing), get the snacks in -- strictly low-fact, of course -- and don’t forget that you actually need to buy one of the titles below before you get to play it. That’s a fairly important detail. Buy game, then play game.
Here’s what’s fresh out this week:
- Hyperdevotion Noire: Goddess of Black Heart (PC)
- Axiom Verge (Vita)
- The Collider 2 (PC)
- Invisible, Inc. (PS4)
- Koi (PS4)
- Loud on Planet X (PS4, PC, Mac)
- Melty Blood Actress Again: Current Code (PC)
- Pang Adventures (PS4)
- Masquerade: The Baubles of Doom (PS4, Xbox One, 360, PS3, PC)
- POLLEN (PC)
- Battlefleet Gothic: Armada (PC)
- Eternal Destiny (PC)
- Rogue Stormers (PC)
- Lumo (Xbox One, PS4, Vita, PC, Linux)
- Star Fox Zero (Wii U)
I know there’s a one movie on everyone’s minds right now, but it’s not out for a week yet. Fortunately, there’s so much more to be excited about than just Captain America: Civil War. Batman V Superman might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but Eye in the Sky’s had an excellent reception, and Hardcore Henry just looks nuts.
Have a browse of the list below and see what tickles your fancy. Oh, and you can snooze along to The Huntsman: Winter’s War if you just want to be alone somewhere. On a completely separate note, Game of Thrones returns to Sky Atlantic in the wee hours of Monday morning.
- Eye in the Sky
- The Jungle Book
- Batman V Superman
- The Huntsman: Winter’s War
- Hardcore Henry
- Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
- Bastille Day
Not everybody’s lucky enough to have a ticket to Wembley to catch either of the FA Cup semi-finals, but all is not lost. If you don’t care about football, even better.
There are almost too many major events going down this weekend, with St George’s Day celebrations in Dover, the London Marathon… aaand the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare’s death being recognised in Stratford-upon-Avon on the 23rd. No excuses to sit on your arse and do nothing for 48 hours. Actually, I suppose all of the above is.