London to Get Naked Restaurant (So Pick Something Spicy)

By Aatif Sulleyman on at

It’s not worth fighting it anymore. Everything’s gone fucking wrong. The giant, money-sucking circus that is London is to get its first naked restaurant, a pop-up (HAHAHAHAHA, get it?) called The Bunyadi, which is guaranteed to bring in the bantah boyz.

The entire point of the restaurant is apparently to escape the trappings of modern life, yet you have to sign up for tickets online, and the queue currently stands at 9,452. That’s right, over 9,000 people are currently sat behind their computer screens, desperate for approval to take off all of their clothes and pay through the nose for a meal that may or may not come with a side of stray pubes.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always dreamed of being completely starkers while while attempting 10 rounds at the buffet bar. There’s nothing more appetising than the sight of someone with a sweaty arsehole and straining gut trying desperately hard not to spill boiling hot soup onto his uncovered balls, while quickly realising that the extra spicy dish he just ordered was too much for his digestive system to take.

“Enter a secret Pangea-like world free from phones, electric lights and even clothing (optional) and revisit the beginning where everything was fresh, free and unadulterated from the trappings of modern life,” reads the description on the restaurant’s website, which makes me want to bang my head against a brick wall. Oh yeah, there’s a non-naked section too, for the weirdos among you who just want to come for the food. [Independent]