Daniel Craig has finally put his mouth where the money is and apparently turned down a huge financial win to be James Bond again. He wasn't joking about hating it. So who's next to hold Sony products in frame as CG fires rage?
Well he's OK, but he looks more like a new Daniel Craig than a new James Bond. He's a bit lankier than Craig, with higher maintenance hair. Comes across a bit soft, even when he's killing people on telly. Too tall to fit in some sports cars. Would be all legs getting out of a DB5. The prospect gets worse the more you think about it.
Stupid massive BBC costume drama hunk chin. Glass jaw. One blow from Henchman #2 and he'd be out cold, dragged into the back of a van, inappropriately touched and never seen again. Film over in six minutes. Totally unbelievable. No.
Tall and good at being angry, Elba's main role in the Bond rumourmongering process is to get people discussing whether or not Ian Fleming ever specifically mentioned Bond being pale and blonde or being continually stopped and searched by police when on missions in the US in the books. He'd be very good, but execs would worry -- in anonymous messaging apps and whispered cigarette breaks -- about the franchise's box office takings tanking in racist countries.
Was good in High-Rise, if being good in something else counts. Has a sort of compact face quite similar to Daniel Craig's, so he should blend in quite well. Could use the same stunt double and wear Craig's suits.
Had to look him up. He was Poldark in Poldark and also in The Hobbit for a bit. Having to look him up is probably best, as you don't want anyone too recognisable as a Bond. You don't want it to be like a Michael Caine film, where whenever he comes on screen you think "Oh, Michael Caine, he must be, what, 78 by now?" and all immersion is lost as you start thinking about Steve Coogan's impressions and looking up Michael Caine on IMDB on your phone and forgetting you're even in a cinema. So, Turner would be good as I had to look him up, and it's about time we had a hairy chested Bond again as there hasn't been one since Brosnan.
Ooh, he's good. Good in everything. If he worked in Subway his baps would be the best. I'd entertain his footlong, that's for sure. Might well be best saved as a recurring villain, mind, as his turn in Bronson contained some of recent cinema's most bonkers sequences. At least 12 of the 17 most bonkers sequences in recent cinema history, in fact, according to the official list feature. Make him the new Blofeld instead and sign him up for the next eight, and make "Fack off, Bond, you facking cahnt" his catchphrase.
If Tom Hardy's too expensive or has been personally warned off the job by Daniel Craig, how about Jack O'Connell? He's like a slightly less well assembled Tom Hardy, an unofficial Tom Hardy that is near enough Tom Hardy without actually infringing any copyrights. He was good in Unbroken, and was in Holby City when he was younger so has put the hours in and deserves a break.
When he's on Graham Norton, Graham can ask him if he minds him showing the clip of Holby City (O'Connell says yes but Graham shows it anyway!), and everyone can laugh and pretend to be embarrassed and then see the film on Saturday.
Has the angry eyes you can imagine intensely scanning a room for exits/bombs/baddies/dangerous brunettes, and would presumably do anything to escape being stuck as the Fifty Shades of Grey man who never even got his winkie out for the rest of his life. Not too famous to be jarring, young enough to churn them out for the next 20 years should he catch on. Hair appears to go curly when wet, though, so that might put him out of the running. Can't do wetsuit infiltrations.
Probably not buff enough for the pants sequences, so that'd need sorting out, plus he's been in X-Men so is already really quite famous and, presumably, will be busy punching thin air in superhero green screen rooms for the next decade. It'd be like casting Tom Hanks as the new Doctor Who. So probably not.
Just imagine. The gun barrel. The click-clack of heels. WHAT THE? The titles roll and it's all naked bearded men doing sexy dances.
If it's a woman Bond, it's probably played by one of those American women who are a safe Hollywood bet but would have to look up Eton and all the implied social and authoritarian issues a working class Bond would have dealt with there. Or Karen Gillan, she was mean and yet also nice in a mildly sexually confusing way when she shaved her head for a bit. Yes, we'll have a shaved Karen Gillan, please.