You’ve only gone and done it again, haven’t you? You've survived another week! Welcome, welcome, welcome to the weekend, and what you wish was your real life all the time.
We’ve gathered up the best films, games and events you need to catch over the coming days. At least think about checking some of them out.
Run a background check on every new person you’ve met over, ooooh let’s see, the past six months, and avoid walking under cracks in the pavement and smashing up ladders and stuff. Bathe in bird shit too. It’s Friday the 13th, and therefore a mini sort of horror season will come and go over the next couple of days.
First up, we bring you the nightmarish Angry Birds Movie, which features a bunch of English-speaking poultry characters going on a murderous rampage against a group of mutant pig invaders. Definitely not one for the kids. Watch the trailer above, if you dare.
The Darkness and Cabin Fever are also on/back on the silver screen and, as ever, there’s probably a cinema near you that’s still screening The Force Awakens.
This Week’s Must Play: Doom and Uncharted 4
Super-fast old-school shooter with souped-up graphics and buckets of blood or lost pirate gold? Gore or treasure? The first new game in 12 years or the final chapter in a fantastic series? It’s dead heat. Play them both. How much spare cash have you got in your wallet?
For the rest of this week's new UK game releases, head over to our buddies at Kotaku UK.
Cancel everything you’ve planned for Saturday evening. The Eurovision Song Contest is back on our screens tomorrow (BBC One from 8pm), and you’d be off your rocker to miss it. The late Terry Wogan sadly won’t be around to take the piss, but we’re sure Graham Norton will do a stellar job. This year’s competition takes place in Stockholm. A couple of chaps called Joe and Jake (cheesy as a sack of Babybels song above) are flying the flag for the UK, but as their performance is set to be the second to last of the night, we’ll all inevitably be too pissed to notice it. Which is probably a good thing.
What else is happening? Museums at Night -- ginormous full lists of events here -- is on this weekend, so you’ll be able to visit loads of attractions after dark (aka mating time for skeletons). If you want to heckle posh people as they ride their bikes through London, check out the Tweed Run tomorrow, while the idea of getting pissed with the entire city of Leicester on Saturday night (apart from the team who are unfortunately playing Chelsea in London on Sunday) doesn’t look bad either.
Oh yeah, and ahead of the release of X-Men: Apocalypse, Vue has decided to hold a nine-movie X-men marathon on May 17th. It kicks off at various Vue cinemas across the country at 6am, with Apocalypse starting at 00:01am. Not technically the weekend, but worth bearing in mind.