Amazon, Here's What Not to Do With Your Upcoming Wearables

By Aatif Sulleyman on at

Jeff Bezos this week refused to rule out the possibility of Amazon creating a wearable at some point in the future (shock horror), leading the internet to insist that that the company’s already got something you can strap around your wrist/face/ankle in the works, and it’s definitely coming out this summer. Isn’t that right, internet?

Mr Bezos, if for some reason you happen to be extremely bored and reading this, here’s what not to do with your wearable wotsit:

  • Don’t build up our hopes by waxing on and on and on about how gorgeous it is when it looks like a glorified electronic tag.
  • Don’t use geeks to promote it. Yes, they may have made it and yes, they know exactly how it works, but they’re sure as hell not going to sell it. The tech’s interesting to people like us, but it doesn’t mean shit to the rest of the world.
  • Don’t stick a 3D screen on it. It probably doesn’t need one, and we've been down that road before.
  • Don’t make us charge it every night.
  • Don't charge over £100 for it.
  • Don’t encourage creepiness. If it makes sex offenders look even more sex offender-y, you’ve done something wrong.
  • Don’t tell us we need it. We’ll buy it if we want to.
  • Actually, maybe save yourself some hassle and don't bother at all.