With your face buried in your clammy hands. HA. HA. Hmmm. Like it or loathe it, the beautiful game will be inescapable for the next month, as the world's attention (okay, Europe’s) turns to the continent’s greatest competition -- Eurovision aside, of course -- already dubbed by some as 'The Other Brexit'.
A magnificent three home nations are involved in the competition, with spirits, if not expectations, relatively high at home for a change. Gordon Strachan, your witticisms will be missed.
A youthful and unusually likeable England squad is looking to put an end to a frankly disgraceful 50 years of hurt. Think about this, Roy Hodgson was a teenage whippersnapper the last time the Three Lions did something of note on the pitch. Wales, meanwhile, enter the tournament with bags of potential and the memory of Gary Speed burned into their hearts, though their recent form has been worse than Aaron Ramsey's new 'do. I mean no disrespect when I say that Northern Ireland are just happy to be there.
We're not here to answer the big questions, like will Gareth Bale's calves actually explode? Could Rooney finally fulfil his potential and sweat his hair off? Will Will Grigg literally go up in flames? We just don't want you to miss any of the action, even if nobody really has a clue how the round of 16 will work this year.
How to Watch Euro 2016 at Home
The European Championships, thankfully, are always shown on terrestrial TV, meaning that every game is available to watch on the BBC or ITV. There's no need to sign up to Sky Sports for a month, and BT Sport and ESPN don't have live coverage either. Finally some relief after a season of squinting through dodgy Champions League and Europa League streams online. Admit it though, even Mottie’s nonsensical ramblings are no match for Italian commentary.
Group games have already been split between the BBC and ITV, and as we move into the knockout stages of the competition, ITV will have first pick of the round of 16 and semi-finals, with the Beeb getting first dibs on two of the quarter finals. Both will show the final on July 10th.
For a full look at the fixtures, including the channel that each group game is being broadcast on, make like Phil Babb and power on down to the foot of this post.
On a Computer
Both the BBC's iPlayer and ITV's ITV Hub catch-up services are available on computers, with both livestreaming their respective TV channels. Great news for any of you without an office telly to keep half an eye, a whole eye or both of your headballs on. Now’s the time to hassle your office manager into fixing that crappy Wi-Fi connection. Oh, and there’s nothing suspicious about taking your monitor, desk and chair into the corner and turning it away from the rest of the room.
No 4K For You
The future we’ve discussed so extensively in the past is not yet present. Though we’ve been looking forward to 4K sports coverage for several years now, it’s still so far from mainstream. As such, neither the BBC nor ITV will be broadcasting the games in 4K, despite the fact that several games, including the final and the opener between France and Romania, will be filmed in the resolution. Slo-mo spitting shots are still pretty good in Full HD though.
How to Watch Euro 2016 on a Smartphone or Tablet
As with computer streaming, your best bet on smartphones or tablets is to use the BBC iPlayer and ITV Hub apps. For iOS devices, click here for iPlayer and here for ITV Hub, Android users can grab iPlayer here and ITV Hub here, while Windows Phone users -- yes, even you -- should head here for iPlayer and here for ITV Hub.
Where to Watch Euro 2016 on a Big Screen
You may not have a ticket to France, but that doesn't mean you have to watch the games indoors while ironing and balling up socks like some sort of James Milner wannabe. Public screenings are a great way to catch some of the passion of the tournament, and there are too many options to list. Avoiding one will no doubt prove the bigger challenge.
Thousands of pubs, sports venues and cinemas across the UK have dusted down their big screens and projectors, so good luck trying to escape your heroes’ tears. There’ll be a semi-official England fanzone at King’s Cross, while Rich Mix, the notorious Infernos nightclub, Koko and The Vaults will also be holding screenings across London.
All of Wales’ matches, meanwhile, will be shown at Castle Square in Swansea, as well as an as-yet-unnamed location in Cardiff (good work on forcing that one, rightly-outraged fans), while Titanic Belfast will be the big-city home for Northern Ireland’s supporters.
Though a cinema, gig venue or museum may have room for the biggest screens, you want to head to the pub for a proper stadium-like atmosphere, complete with pissed tacticians and expletive-ridden-but-charmingly-accurate commentary. You can almost guarantee that your local will have the football on provided they've got a TV, but if you want to double check, MatchPint is a good place to start when hunting down a nearby footie-focused boozer.
If you've a recommendation for a local public screening or pub with a particularly good atmosphere, be sure to let us all know in the comments section.
Euro 2016 Fixtures
Finally, here's a list of every Euro 2016 game, including kick-off times, locations and, for the group games, which TV channels will be showing them.
Group A: France, Romania, Albania, Switzerland
France v Romania (8pm, June 10th, St-Denis, ITV / ITV HD)
Albania v Switzerland (2pm, June 11th, Lens, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Romania v Switzerland (5pm, June 15th, Paris, ITV / ITV HD)
France v Albania (8pm, June 15th, Marseille, ITV / ITV HD)
Romania v Albania (8pm, June 19th, Lyon, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Switzerland v France (8pm, June 19th, Lille, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Group B: WALES, ENGLAND, Russia, Slovakia
WALES v Slovakia (5pm, June 11th, Bordeaux, BBC One / BBC One HD)
ENGLAND v Russia (8pm, June 11th, Marseille, ITV / ITV HD)
Russia v Slovakia (2pm, June 15th, Lille, BBC One / BBC One HD)
ENGLAND v WALES (2pm, June 16th, Lens, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Russia v WALES (8pm, June 20th, Toulouse, ITV / ITV HD)
Slovakia v ENGLAND (8pm, June 20th, St-Etienne, ITV / ITV HD)
Group C: NORTHERN IRELAND, Germany, Ukraine, Poland
Poland v NORTHERN IRELAND (5pm, June 12th, Nice, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Germany v Ukraine (8pm, June 12th, Lille, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Ukraine v NORTHERN IRELAND (5pm, June 16th, Lyon, ITV / ITV HD)
Germany v Poland (8pm, June 16th, St-Denis, ITV / ITV HD)
Ukraine v Poland (5pm, June 21st, Marseille, BBC One / BBC One HD)
NORTHERN IRELAND v Germany (5pm, June 21st, Paris, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Group D: Spain, Turkey, Croatia, Czech Republic
Turkey v Croatia (2pm, June 12th, Paris, ITV / ITV HD)
Spain v Czech Republic (2pm, June 13th, Toulouse, ITV / ITV HD)
Czech Republic v Croatia (5pm, June 17th, St-Etienne, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Spain v Turkey (8pm, June 17th, Nice, ITV / ITV HD)
Czech Republic v Turkey (8pm, June 21st, Lens, ITV / ITV HD)
Croatia v Spain (8pm, June 21st, Bordeaux, ITV / ITV HD)
Group E: Republic of Ireland, Belgium, Italy, Sweden
Republic of Ireland v Sweden (5pm, June 13th, St-Denis, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Belgium v Italy (8pm, June 13th, Lyon, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Italy v Sweden (2pm, June 17th, Toulouse, ITV / ITV HD)
Belgium v Republic of Ireland (2pm, June 18th, Bordeaux, ITV / ITV HD)
Italy v Republic of Ireland (8pm, June 22nd, Lille, ITV / ITV HD)
Sweden v Belgium (8pm, June 22nd, Nice, ITV / ITV HD)
Group F: Portugal, Austria, Hungary, Iceland
Austria v Hungary (5pm, June 14th, Bordeaux, ITV / ITV HD)
Portugal v Iceland (8pm, June 14th, St-Etienne, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Iceland v Hungary (5pm, June 18th, Marseille, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Portugal v Austria (8pm, June 18th, Paris, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Iceland v Austria (5pm, June 22nd, St-Denis, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Hungary v Portugal (5pm, June 22nd, Lyon, BBC One / BBC One HD)
Group A Runner-Up v Group C Runner-Up (2pm, June 25th, St-Etienne)
Group B Winner v Group A/C/D 3rd Place (5pm, June 25th, Paris)
Group D Winner v Group B/E/F 3rd Place (8pm, June 25th, Lens)
Group C Winner v Group A/B/F 3rd Place (5pm, June 26th, Lille)
Group F Winner v Group E Runner-Up (8pm, June 26th, Toulouse)
Group A Winner v Group C/D/E 3rd Place (2pm, June 27th, Lyon)
Group E Winner v Group D Runner-Up (5pm, June 27th, St-Denis)
Group B Runner-Up v Group F Runner-Up (8pm, June 27th, Nice)
Quarter-Finalist 1 v Quarter-Finalist 2 (8pm, June 30th, Marseille)
Quarter-Finalist 3 v Quarter-Finalist 4 (8pm, July 1st, Lille)
Quarter-Finalist 5 v Quarter-Finalist 6 (8pm, July 2nd, Bordeaux)
Quarter-Finalist 7 v Quarter-Finalist 8 (8pm, July 3rd, St-Denis)
Semi-Finalist 1 v Semi-Finalist 2 (8pm, July 6th, Lyon)
Semi-Finalist 3 v Semi-Finalist 4 (8pm, July 7th, Marseille)
Finalist 1 v Finalist 2 (8pm, July 10th, St-Denis, BBC One / BBC One HD / ITV / ITV HD)