Poor old Al Pacino and Anthony Hopkins suffered a slaughter worthy of some of their earlier films this weekend, as box office takings data revealed that their latest effort, Misconduct, took just £97 at the UK box office. We haven't missed off an M or any zeroes. That's ninety-seven pounds and zero pence only.
To make things slightly less horrifying for the two former Hollywood must-sees, the good news is that the film only cost a tiddling $11m to make, and it was released in just 10 UK cinemas, AND it was also released digitally at the same time. Oh, and it'll be a nice tax loss for everyone involved, so probably won't bankrupt any producers or stars. It might actually be what they wanted, in fact. A nice loss-making UK production to offset the winners.
So what other disasters have lost enormous amounts of money for some Triple-A Hollywood talent in UK cinemas?
Keanu Reeves' Exposed took a shameful £88 at the UK box office last year, which is what you get when re-editing a mostly foreign language film to look like an English thriller. Keanu's patchy at best, often looking like a bored teen at a school disco on screen. Probably deserved its kicking.
Richard Gere's The Benefactor made an unbelievable £25 the same weekend. That's, what, three people seeing it? Three 50-something ladies who still hold a torch for him from the 1980s. Wonder if they went together? Might make a good film, that. Is The Benefactor really that rubbish? It can't be, it's also got Dakota Fanning in it. Surely Gere and Fanning wouldn't both sign up for something irredeemable?
The three words "Danny Dyer vehicle" tell you exactly why Run For Your Wife only took £600 in its opening weekend. Although you'd think a few more would turn up to see Sarah out of Girls Aloud on the big screen. Tell the people remaking the Carry On films that someone already did -- and it was terrible.
Uma Thurman, away from the fetishism of Quentin Tarantino, suffered this almighty flop in 2009, when Motherhood took just £88 in the UK during its opening weekend. It looks like one of those quirky films you might get made to see because you were bad in going to the pub too much last month and need to make amends. Probably bearable, if you close your eyes and imagine plots for Kill Bill Volume 3.
The Bond girl curse smashed Halle Berry's career to bits -- or maybe it was Catwoman? -- resulting in her taking on films like Dark Tide, which earned just £97 on its opening weekend. It's a film about a scientist who's scared of the sea... but tempted back in for one last fish-related mission. It doesn't even seem to be knowingly or ironically rubbish, just... rubbish. A plastic bag floating in the sea, ready to choke all the poor little baby leatherback turtles who happen upon it.