Get down to your local Asda and stock up on La Moneda Reserva Malbec from Central Valley in Chile (2015) right now. The £4.37* bottle of red has been named the world’s number one wine at the Decanter World Wine Awards, beating around 16,000 rivals to the title.
A panel of 240 jolly wine experts hailed it as “the ultimate crowd pleaser”, saying that it tasted like “freshly crushed black fruit, creamy vanilla yoghurt and pepper spice”. Pepper spice? I can get on board with the dessert-y stuff, but you can leave that bit out.
“Our sole purpose is to recognise and reward quality, this is what consumers all over the world are interested in,” said DWWA chairman Steven Spurrier, fresh from pissing his name onto a wall. “We only award medals to wines in which consumers can have the utmost confidence.’
*Usually £5.75, but currently on offer