wtf

10 Places Where Martin Brunt Could Have Killed Them All

By Gerald Lynch on at

Today, terrorism got weird. Martin Brunt delivered the perfect ad for Sky News by deciding to just fuck it all off and go full-on Alan Partridge, wandering into a village church and returning to the camera with a chilling truth.

Silly church with its welcome sign, oblivious worshippers and lack of tooled-up bouncers. They may as well stick a giant neon ‘PUT GOD’S POWER TO THE TEST’ sign on the side of it. What a world we live in.

We’ve been out on the streets, and compiled a list of other places in the UK where Brunt could strike next. The following may disturb you.

  • The flagship Chicken Cottage restaurant, Tooting, London. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen diners. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The summit of mount Snowdon, Wales. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen climbers. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • Kendal’s canal change bridge, Cumbria. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen walkers. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The Parade Shops in Blacon, Chester. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen shoppers. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The Beamish Open Air Museum in Stanley, County Durham. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen industrialisation enthusiasts. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The Bouldnor Cliff Mesolithic Village, Yarmouth, the Isle of Wight. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen bronze age historians. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The Canal Museum, Stoke Bruerne, Towcester. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen waterway enthusiasts. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The National Slate Museum, Padarn Country Park, Llanberis, Gwynedd. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen roofing enthusiasts. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The Iron Age hill fort of Risbury Camp, Herefordshire. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. About a dozen metal detectorists. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.
  • The Bakery at the Black Country Living Museum, Dudley, West Midlands. No obvious signs of any security. Everybody is welcome. A baker’s dozen of cake worshipers. Martin Brunt could have killed them all.

#makesyouthink