Since Britain voted to leave the European Union on June 23rd, there has been confusion, uncertainty, and dire predictions about what Brexit might mean for our country. What we need is reassurance that Britain isn't completely screwed.
So fear not - the politicians have almost got Brexit sorted out. Yes, we've no idea what a post-Brexit Britain will look like, or what our future relationship with Europe will be, or whether the rest of the world will even be receptive to Britain's solo advances. But it looks like we might be able to get the most important thing sorted: We might have a stupid fucking boat.
A few days ago Tory MP Jake Berry suggested that perhaps the best thing to do in these uncertain times is to recommission the Royal Yacht Britannia so we can sail around the world begging for trade deals aboard a physical manifestation of Britain's delusions of imperial grandeur.
Since being given the chop in 1997, the yacht is now permanently moored in Leith, and is one of Scotland's most visited tourist attractions.
Of course, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, who is no stranger to pissing cash up the wall, has also since weighed in supporting the proposal - and now the Prime Minister herself, Theresa May has according to The Telegraph "left the door open" for bringing the yacht back into service.
In reality, her 'backing' of the plan was fairly mealy-mouthed - and sounds more like the words of someone who is too polite to slap down a colleague in public. She's quoted as saying:
"The important question is how do we get out there and promote Britain, promote Britain as being open for business, promote the interests of people investing in Britain and for our businesses actually exporting overseas."
"There's a whole variety of ways in which we're able to do that and are doing that. And I've created a department for international trade that's going out there, taking that message across the world."
Well, it's not a "No", so the campaign can rumble on as a cause célèbre for blue passport brigade. Just don't mention the fact everything else is still screwed.