14 Things to Buy Instead of a Note 7 That Definitely Won't Explode

By Eve Peyser on at

Depending on how you look at it, the Galaxy Note 7 is either a very good phone with one very bad problem or a very bad hand grenade with one very good problem. Either way, you probably don’t want one in your pocket, as Samsung has killed the phone after urging customers to power down.

Most Note 7 owners will trade in their devices for similar, slightly less explode-y smartphones, but the only way to truly be safe from spontaneous combustion is to save the money and buy something completely ridiculous that doesn't contain a giant lithium battery. With that in mind, we have put together this helpful buyers’ guide for any Samsung customers hoping to adopt an explosion-free lifestyle.

1. 10 pairs of Samsung-compatible texting gloves.

16 Things to Buy With Your Note 7 Refund That Definitely Won't ExplodePhoto: Walmart

2. 60 fake iPhone 7s.

3. Six therapy sessions to treat your Note 7-related PTSD.

4. The cash to recreate this video.

5. 4,255 retweets or 1/235 of a trip to Mars (about as far as the Moon).

6. 85 months of Tinder Plus if you’re under 30. 42.5 months of Tinder Plus if you’re over 30.

7. 28 “Juice Demon” costumes.

8. 70kg of Hot Lips Fireworks and a bucket of water to soak it in.

9. Three and a half blog posts about Meghan Trainor.

10. This beautiful horsey painting.

11. 170 pro-fracking stickers.

12. 34 “New Mac Smell” candles.

13. One “*✶*¨`*.✫*¨* BECOME PSYCHiC * OPEN YOUR THiRD EYE ✶*¨`*.✫*¨*” kit.

14. Three “I Have Given Up” sweatsuits and three pairs of Teva x Ugg hybrids.