The Worst Black Friday Deals We Could Find

By Sophie Kleeman on at

Black Friday, the uncontrollable growth on the scrotum of our capitalist society, is here again. Sure, you could buy yourself a 40-inch television, or an immersion blender, or a fascist Christmas ornament. But why not consider the other people in your life instead? That friend you secretly hate will love the options below.


Emoji bracelet


Image: Groupon

The upside is that this is the second iteration of the emoji bracelet. The downside is that this is the second iteration of the emoji bracelet.


Casserole dish


Image: Etsy

This “etched” dish—the point of which, I can only assume, is a grand reveal in which the chef scrapes away the last of his or her casserole and shouts, “Bow down to me, for I got this recipe from Pinterest”—was favourited by 457 people. Please, show yourselves, whoever you are.


Ivanka Trump dress


Image: Macy’s

It looks like a baby spat up on the front of this dress, among other things.


Troll journal


Image: Amazon

If I had a child and I blindly tripped over this journal in the middle of the night, I would immediately hurl it into the nearest fireplace.


Christmas suit


Image: Groupon

Why?


Ornament


Image: Amazon

At least it’s not a Samsung Note 7.


Clinton-Kaine lawn sign


Image: Hillary Clinton

This isn’t technically a Black Friday deal, but it’s cheap enough to be.


Slogan cushion


Image: ASOS

You know that quote about not banging someone if they don’t have any books? This is the 2016 version. If you go home with someone and they own this pillow, immediately put your pants on and leave.


Septic system cleaner


Image: Amazon

This isn’t a bad deal, per se. I am merely confused as to why you would name cleaning fluid after a condition that kills people.