Official Advice: Don't Pick Up Dog Poo - Flick It Instead

By James O Malley on at

The machinery of government may be struggling under the weight of figuring out just how the hell we're going to leave the European Union, but the good news is that one government agency is working like a well oiled, or at least is a brown and sticky, machine.

According to The Telegraph the Forestry Commission has issued new advice on what dog walkers should do when their dogs do their business. Apparently now the best practice isn't to pick up the dog poo and bag it - but instead the advice is to get a stick, and flick it into the undergrowth. This is because the bags are often discarded, are an eyesore, and presumably because they require someone to go around emptying bins or picking them up.

As the Telegraph notes, the guidance was highlighted by Conservative MP Anne Main. "Like many people, I like to walk my dog out in the countryside, parks and in woodland, but over the last few years", she is quoted as saying, "I've noticed an increasing number of dog poo bags hanging off bushes, trees and railings - and it's disgusting". And she knows what she is talking about. As a Brexit backer, she must know a massive turd hanging overhead when she sees one.

Bizarrely the Telegraph also quotes a poem the Forestry Commission has written to remind people of what to do.

"If your dog should do a plop, take a while and make a stop, just find a stick and flick it wide into the undergrowth at the side.

"If your dog should do a do, you don't want it on your shoe, find a stick, pick a spot, flick into the bushes so it can rot."