Production of Coca-Cola was suspended in a Northern Ireland plant this week, after a batch of cans set to be used to package up the drink were found to contain human waste.
The production line in the Lisburn factory was stopped for 15 hours after the discovery, which everyone is going to great lengths to underline only concerns empty cans coming in and definitely does not mean there's a chance your fizzy drink might have an unexpected float.
The horrifying tale says that a container load of empty cans "clogged" the filling machinery of the plant, and it was only then that some rogue poo was uncovered. Speculation from within the factory is (groundlessly) blaming illegal immigrants, who, they say, might have stowed away in the container coming in from Germany and been forced to use a batch of the cans as makeshift toilets, as shipping containers don't have particularly good bathroom facilities.
A Coca-Cola spokesperson said: "The problem was identified immediately through our robust quality procedures and all of the product from the affected production was immediately impounded and will not be sold. This is an isolated incident and does not affect any products currently on sale." [Belfast Telegraph]