Surely Nothing but Satan Himself Could Explain This European Heat Wave Named 'Lucifer'

By Tom McKay on at

A devastating heat wave surging through southern Europe has earned the unofficial moniker of “Lucifer,” according to several news reports this weekend. Things over there do seem pretty bad, real bad, bad enough there that the only logical conclusion is Satan danced down there himself, possibly with a fiddle, and played a song which cursed the very winds themselves with the tunes of brimstone and ruin after somebody lost a bet.

At least two people died over the course of the heat wave, which caused temperatures to spike as high as 44 degrees Celsius in southern Spain and 40 degrees Celsius in the French Riviera, per the New York Times. Temperatures were forecast as high as slightly over 42 degrees Celsius in mainland Greece.

According to Agence France-Presse, local conditions in Italy’s Campania region caused temperatures to feel much higher, around 55 degrees Celsius.

Surging electrical demand in Poland caused the government to warn of “possible infrastructure failures” and disperse staff early. Train tracks in southern Serbia warped, the Romanian government urged Bucharest residents to stay indoors and an Italian drought which has already cost over $1 billion (£767.8 million) dragged on. Per Reuters, the Italian grape harvest started weeks early, with Slow Food movement leader Carlo Petrini telling La Stampa he had never heard of it ever starting before 15 August.

Reuters also reported 300 firefighters and troops “ struggled to contain as many as 75 forest fires,” with wildfires raging in Serbia, Bosnia, Macedonia and Croatia.

While the Times reported two deaths, AFP reported as many as five, with hospital admissions in Italy running 15-20% “above seasonal norms.”

It’s almost enough to make one wonder if this heat wave could be correlated with all those other heat waves across the world, or the inexplicable trend of the planet breaking global heat records on a regular basis. Maybe there’s some kind of thing that we humans are pumping into the atmosphere that causes it to retain more heat, perhaps making said events more likely.

Hmm. But since no such theory, perhaps of so-called global climate “change,” has been devised or vetted by the vast majority of climate scientists, we’re just going to have to hand it to the devil on this one and guess the thing we are pumping into the atmosphere is sin.

Curse you, Lucifer! [New York Times]


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