Just Got Yourself an Apocalypse Bunker? xHamster Will Fill it With Smut

By Tom Pritchard on at

After the end of the cold war, people who decided they needed end-time shelters were generally seen as nutters. The kind of people who thought the world would in in 2012, or that a biblical apocalypse is coming to doom us all. Nowadays, though, with North Korea, El Presidenté Trump, Brexit, Catelonia, global warming, and all that doom and gloom, those people don't seem so crazy.

It's now got to the point where xHamster is willing to give away some swag to anyone who just purchased an apocalypse shelter of some kind. Just email them the receipt (media@xhamster.com) and they'll send you a bunch of goodies to make your survival a bit more enjoyable. That includes:

  1. xHamster branded beer (which actually exists, for reasons unknown to us here at Giz UK)
  2. Some 'top-rated premium xHamster videos'
  3. xHamsterina, a high end sex doll, because sexual partners are hard to come by in the post apocalyptic wasteland (no pun intended)
  4. xHamster Fifi, a premium male sex toy that promises no mess. Because sometimes you get bored of your sex doll.

Without the internet the apocalypse dooms the porn industry to old VHS tapes and tatty magazines hidden in bushes - just like the good old days. And by good old days I mean back when porn was rubbish and harder to come by. At least with xHamster you'll have something to keep yourself occupied while the world around you burns.


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