Close the Internet for Christmas, Says God Spokesperson

By Gary Cutlack on at

A man on earth who's taken on the task of relaying messages from God has spoken out about the rush to launch online sales on Christmas Eve, saying he'd back any law change that would outlaw the using of the internet to purchase items on Christmas Day -- and would even like to have the ISPs disconnect us all so we can think about Jesus, even if most of us think he was just pretend or a metaphor.

This is coming from Christian Faith Lieutenant the Right Rev Stephen Cottrell, who says we should collectively go back to the 1980s for Christmas, and spend the day talking to the family and waiting for the big film, not staring comatose at screens offering the things of last week for marginally lower prices.

"How you shut down the internet for a day I don’t know but if anyone has an idea I would back it in the House of Lords," he said, adding: "The 24/7 way of living, with no distinction between day and night, days of the week or seasons of the year, diminishes us."

It's extra tricky for religious folk to handle their shopping this year, as Christmas Eve falls on a Sunday; the traditionally boring day when you're not supposed to buy things because of what one particular God said about a million years ago. [The Times]


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