This is quite a long shot, but if you're one of the type of things wolves eat and you live in or around Beenham in Berkshire you'd better be more careful than usual today, as a wolf has escaped. If you're buying sausages, keep them well wrapped and carry them above head height.
The wolf broke out of the Wolf Conservation Trust's base in the area, after that little windy spell damaged some fencing. And although it sounds a bit silly, people are worried; so much so that police attended the nearest local primary school this morning to ensure the children managed to get inside without being eaten by a wolf. They'll remember this day for the rest of their lives and will shit themselves when they see an Alsatian for ever more.
Thames Valley Police used the medium of the emergency SMS broadcast system to inform residents about the temporary reintroduction of one of the animals to the wild, using the rare phrase "Officers have sight of the wolf" in an attempt to reassure locals.
Tripadvisor reviews of the Beenham centre show the rogue dog things being taken out for walks on leads, so they can't be that deadly any more, not now they've been trained to be petted in return for biscuits. [BBC]
Image credit: Tripadvisor