Who on Earth Taught You People How to Eat?

By Bryan Menegus on at

Depending on where you’re eating and who you’re eating it with, the rules around food can be stunningly complex. The core concept, however, is that food is inserted into the mouth, and once it’s there, if you find it impossible to masticate with human teeth or discover the object to be a source of pain/bleeding, an error in judgement has been made. Spit it out and try a new approach. Not food.

That brings me to a thread posted yesterday evening to Reddit’s r/UnpopularOpinion community titled “Hard boiled eggs are disgusting”:

I almost died eating one. The crunchy-soft mix is absolutely disgusting. It’s like eating a ravioli covered with chips.

Two distinct possibilities present themselves: this is either someone that is eating hard-boiled eggs, shell and all, or the poster is a benign troll in the vein of Ken M. The truth will likely remain unclear until the end times, but because of a distinct lack of joy in the world lately, I choose to take the post at face value.

Far more importantly, sharing a screenshot of this gaffe on Twitter led to some unprompted replies from all of you who have personally committed or witnessed culinary fuck-ups of a similar nature.

Here are the unacceptable food items actual living people claim to have put into their hungry, hungry maws, ranked in order of how much physical revulsion I felt while reading them:

14. Frozen breakfast burrito (still frozen)

13. Mango, flesh and skin

12. Edamame (beans and pods)

11. Prawns still in the shell

10. Crawfish, same

9. Peanuts, same

8. Pastachios, same

7. Lemon sorbet and packaging

6. Dates (pit swallowed)

5. Tamale husks

4. An entire artichoke

3. Babybel mini-cheese wheels (with wax)

2. Getting hit by a car

1. Just a whole pile of dirty rock salt some oysters were served on

What did you put in your mouth wrong? Tell us below, coward.