Ferry operator Condor, which takes anyone who doesn't hate France now off to France and also runs routes in and around the Channel Islands, has had it with you stinky, noisy people. It suggests sitting still and shutting up while onboard, and would also like to remind passengers to wear deodorant for the benefit of other travellers and crew.
These are the rules as laid out in the company's new etiquette guide, where it also suggests that travellers might like to refrain from talking too loudly on telephones, singing, and loud chewing. Sit there on the naughty seat and think about what you are like and maybe quietly leaf through a timetable before you ask any stupid questions, is the basic summary of the travel tips.
The only sensible one is keep your feet off the seats, but surely everyone knows that. And even then, seeing as we're all wearing expensive trainers nowadays that we can't and won't get dirty, that doesn't matter much any more.
Company boss Paul Luxon says the aim is to create a "harmonious environment," although giving people a list of things they can complain about other people doing is not really the way to go about it. [BBC]