Toy Story 4 Might Have the Next Cars-Level Existential Crisis

By Beth Elderkin on at

Cars might be chock full of bizarre conspiracy theories, ranging from “Where do baby cars come from?” to “Does this take place in a dystopian future where humans became cars?” But the newest dark-as-hell mystery involving an innocent children’s franchise has appeared out of thin air, thanks to the first teaser for Disney’s summer 2019 release Toy Story 4.

Last we left the toys, they’d been placed in the loving home of Bonnie, a young girl with an active imagination. So active, in fact, that apparently she’s spawned Adam’s rib and ushered in a new era of creation. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: A SENTIENT SPORK.

Welcome to your nightmares, children.

At the end of the Toy Story 4 trailer, the peace and tranquillity of the toys’ existence are thwarted by a panicking spork named Forky (voiced by Tony Hale), a gangly monstrosity with googly eyes, spindly arms, and an expression of pure terror. All he does is run around screaming how he doesn’t belong in their world.

According to his official character synopsis, Forky is a recent Bonnie creation who wants nothing to do with Woody, Buzz, or their adventures. Apparently, his reason why is going to be a plot point for the film. It could mean he’s the first arts project-turned-sentient being in all toy existence – which would present Bonnie as some kind of toy god among humans. Of course, the alternative (in-universe) explanation would mean Woody and the gang kept all of Andy’s living art projects in some secret toy prison somewhere. Here’s the plot synopsis:

Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that’s Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called “Forky” to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.

I’m sure the people behind Toy Story 4 have thought things through, but here’s the thing: I’m not sure they’ve actually thought things through.

Unless Forky is the first of his kind, this changes everything about the franchise’s universe and life as we know it. Look, we all glanced the other way when Sid’s abominations kept their consciousness through his horrible procedures. They were toys that had been turned into something else, so it was less Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and more G-rated Saw. But now it seems every child in Toy Story could be a secret Dr. Frankenstein: they can create life.

I don’t think my mind can wrap around this. This means, in the world of the film, that every crappy art project I made in class could have actually been a living, sentient being, with thoughts, feelings, and self-determination. It was bad enough thinking that all my toys secretly came to life when I wasn’t looking, leaving me to feel guilty as hell whenever I donated them to charity. But every shitty hand turkey I crafted for Thanksgiving? The countless reindeers I made out of lollipop sticks? Those were real? That Pet Rock I kept in my attic for three weeks before chucking it in the dirt? Not you too, Sparkly McBoulderson!

I already thought I was a monster for getting rid of my old toys, I didn’t know I had murdered my own children.