10 NSFW Christmas Presents That'd Shock Your Mum

By Holly Brockwell on at

Not everyone wants a set of socks and a box of smellies for Christmas. Sometimes your relationship is just... grosser than that. Siblings, partners, BFFs -- whoever you can tell your dirtiest jokes to, this list is for them.

But maybe don't give them their gifts at the family dinner table unless you want to see that turkey a second time.

1. Pimple Popper, £16.99

 

So gross, but so satisfying. You fill this weird little skin lump with pus from the included bottle, then pop the pimples to your heart's content. Perfect for that friend who's addicted to Dr Pimple Popper on YouTube but doesn't want to wreck their own skin. Get it here.

2. AuberPeen pin, £5.99

Know someone who's pretty fond of the ol' aubergine emoji? Or likes to send... ahem... aubergine selfies? This puntastic pin is the perfect way to acknowledge their purple fruit passion. Just obviously pin it to their clothes or a bag or something, not their underpants. That could end badly. Get it here

3. A box of edible anuses (anii?), £9.99

Nothing says 'Merry Christmas' quite like a box of chocolate bumholes. These ones are milk chocolate and come in a lovely presentation box, which is something you don't get with an actual anus. Get them here.

4. Candy Nipples, £5

Like the ani and all those protest nipples on Instagram, these are gender-neutral nipples. Plus you're allowed to bite into them, which isn't usually advisable. Get them here.

5. Mr Claus mankini, £8

Whether a gag gift or something you actually intend them to wear, you can't go wrong with a Borat-style mankini jazzed up for Christmas. Make sure you put the heating on before they get changed, though: it's December after all. Get it here.

6. Scratch 'n' Sniff Book of Weed, £13.99

Like getting them weed for Christmas, but more legal and less expensive. This book includes enough info to turn them into a dope connoisseur, plus of course those addictive scratch 'n' sniff pads for a whiff of the real thing. Get it here.

7. Joking Hazard, £25

For that friend who's played Cards Against Humanity to death and is looking to expand their collection of offensive card games. Quite similar in premise but including lots of cartoon vulgarity, Joking Hazard rounds often end with someone getting a boner or dead on the floor. There's also a Toking Hazard expansion for your smoking buddies and Stroking Hazard for people who want to get really filthy. Get it here.

8. Middle finger earrings, £6

Did that image make anyone else yawn? Argh. Anyway, a good gift for the friend who doesn't give a flying eff. Bit too obvious? Get the little version instead -- small enough to wear to work and get away with it. (Giz UK is not responsible for disciplinary issues arising from wearing sweary earrings to work). Get them here.

9. Festive boozeballs, £9.99

For that friend who'll need at least six little tipples to get through Christmas. That's all of us spending it with family, then! Get them here.

10. Seasonal Bollocks card, £2.50

When you really can't be arsed with your festive obligations. Stick a tenner in it, call it a day. Get it here.

Need more ideas? Check out Giz UK's Christmas hub for all your capitalist gifting needs