You Can Now Book A Christmas Cheerleader To Annoy Your Humbug Colleagues

By Holly Brockwell on at

Today in 'definitely not a publicity stunt rather than something anyone will actually use' is a pair of daft services from Christmas Tree World.

The online tree site is offering the opportunity to hire a Very Merry Christmas Cheerleader for your office, who is apparently:

"...ready to burst into your workplace, complete with elf outfit, glitter and an almighty smile! We have selected only the most fun and enthusiastic cheerleaders, for the biggest impact. They will be happy to come in on ‘secret Santa day’ to hand out your office gifts, they know every single Christmas carol word perfect and have buckets of energy and Christmas Spirit!"

This sounds like a quick way to drive your least-favourite workmate insane, which is actually quite appealing now we come to think about it.

Oddly, there are no pictures of said Cheerleader with the press release or on the website, which somewhat fuels our suspicion that they're not intending anyone to actually book one. As does the price: "from £850 a day." Crikey.

If you have even more money to piss up the wall, you can also hire a Hygge Cosy Consultant. Hygge, for those who missed one of the most annoying trends of all time, is a Danish word meaning cosiness that was turned into a hashtag, a billion thinkpieces and even some books by people with nothing better to do. It's not particularly recent: the whole thing started in 2016 and has pretty much disappeared now, but apparently no one told Christmas Tree World.

The Hygge Cosy Consultant, who again has no photo on the website:

"...can be booked to visit households and offices to assess the levels of cosy, ahead of the joyful season. The consultant has a keen eye for detail to ensure customers’ homes have the cosiest layouts and advise on products to accentuate this.

The Hygge ‘Cosy’ Consultant will help make homes much more comfortable and welcoming for Christmas visitors. The benefitting office layouts will become much cosier too, which in turn will boost the workforce morale."

A bargain at "from £1000 a day."

If you have a grand a day to spend on faux-Danish cosiness from an online Christmas tree site, we have a bridge to sell you.

Main photo: Santa on a snowboard by Jakob Owens on Unsplash, since Christmas Tree World didn't give us any images to go with this story.