Don't Be A Christmas Bellend: Uber Gives Tips For Maintaining Your Rating In December

By Holly Brockwell on at

Apparently, our Uber ratings are often damaged in December, since we're being driven from boozy office parties and getting a bit too in the spirit.

A survey of 2,000 drivers showed ratings drop by an entire point on average, which isn't great when it's out of 5.

If you're thinking "I don't give a flying reindeer what my Uber score is," bear in mind that drivers often don't accept jobs with lower-rated passengers, meaning you'll be waiting around longer in the cold.

Helpfully, Uber has released a list of ten tips to keep your score up this Christmas. 'Take a black cab' isn't on there, but that's a good one too.

1. Add your address to your Saved Places

Apparently, lots of us forget where we live when inebriated. Avoid this by saving where you live to the app before you leave, so you can go home in one tap. Even drunk you can manage that.

"According to the poll, passengers have ended up at a stranger’s house, a foreign country, in a hedge and under a multi-storey car park after a night out."

Props to whoever managed to put a specific hedge as their Uber destination.

2. Hurry the F up

"Nobody wants to be kept waiting, your driver included. Don’t book your ride until you’re ready to leave, not when you still have a full pint. Say your goodbyes before you open the app."

Do not attempt to take the pint with you (see number 8).

3. Be nice to the driver (and car)

Ever had an Uber driver who went berserk at you because you shut the door to their precious vehicle hard enough to actually close it? We have. I mean maybe don't use your 'pride and joy' as a work vehicle if you're that precious about it, but we digress.

Uber says:

"Spilling takeaway food over the back seat and leaving litter aren’t likely to earn you a five star rating, and remember that vomiting and making a mess in the back (or front) seat can result in an additional charge."

We're not sure anyone needs to be told not to throw up in an Uber, though. That's not really something that happens by choice.

4. Don't overload the car

"There’s always someone at the Christmas party we’ve not seen in ages who we want to accompany us to wherever we’re going next. That’s fine, just make sure the number of passengers doesn’t exceed the number of seats in the vehicle as the driver won’t be able to take any more."

No lap-sitting, in other words. Take note, Santa.

5. Don't backseat drive

Uber says:

"After hefty doses of gin, Baileys and mulled wine, it is very likely that the driver is better equipped to find your destination than you."

However, when you've been asked for the postcode to King's Cross station (!!) or driven all round the houses because the driver's sat nav is apparently on 'scenic' mode, we do understand the compulsion.

6. Wait 'til you get home to eat

Unsurprisingly, Uber used this one as a way to plug Uber Eats. Basically, don't pick up a drive-thru Happy Meal on the way home, get one delivered to you for more money.

Or ask the driver if it's OK, and offer them some chips.

7. No snogging

"The work do is coming to a close, and your long-time office crush has given you a cheeky wink. The next thing you know, you’re in an Uber on the way back to yours. Needless to say, don’t break out the mistletoe in the car!"

OK, that's fair, but also – when you're hammered and finally getting somewhere with the person you've been eyeing up all year (or the only person who said yes to your drunken advances), it'd be a bit weird to just sit primly in the car, hands to yourselves, and have a conversation about the price of tea. It'd kill the mood a bit, no?

8. Don't drink in the car

'Don't drink and drive' applies even if it's not you driving.

"The Uber you take between parties is a great place to take a break from drinking. It may not be the time to pop open the champagne, curate an impressive cocktail recipe or gesticulate wildly with your drink in hand and spill vodka all over the place."

Also, definitely do not offer your driver a sip.

9. Don't leave all your stuff in the car

"You can always ring the driver to bring it back, and Uber has a convenient lost property hub for collections - but save yourself the trouble by remembering to take your keys, wallet and phone with you at the journey’s end."

Well, you can't actually ring the driver to bring it back if what you left was your phone. And if you leave your phone and your keys, it looks like you're sleeping in a hedge again.

10. Choose a Pick Up Point or somewhere a bit quieter

Says Uber:

"Come Christmas party season, the streets can become very busy around popular areas such as Shoreditch and Soho. Check to see whether there is a pick up point nearby and walk there - it’ll save you time and money rather than waiting longer for your Uber and having to navigate more traffic on the way home."

However, we don't agree with this one. If it's late at night, you're inebriated and on your own, don't go wandering off trying to find an arcane meeting point to make life easier for your driver. Think of your own safety and get picked up somewhere well-lit and with other people around.

Apparently 23% of us will have 'improve my Uber rating' as a New Year's resolution (damn, you people must be near-perfect if that's a priority). Highest rating in the comments wins our undying respect.

Mine's only 4.59, so maybe don't take any of my advice, actually.