British Empire Shrinks by 3,000 People and 60 Islands

By Gary Cutlack on at

A UN court has ruled that the great British empire needs to get a little bit smaller, as its claim over the tiny archipelago of the Chagos Islands is a leftover of colonialism that needs remedying ASAP.

The International Court of Justice has been called in to arbitrate the dispute, ruling that it is "unlawful and wrong" for the UK to continue to claim sovereignty over the Chagos Islands, and says the Queen or some sensible backbencher or someone equally important should sign them over, back to self-government and local rule. There's bound to be a local out there with a claim to be the rightful king.

The island chain is therefore to be officially decolonised and returned to rule by neighbouring Mauritius, removing a small population from the British Indian Ocean Territory and opening the door for the return of the exiled Chagossians -- natives who were shamefully removed from the islands in the 1960s and 70s in favour of US and UK military bases and personnel. [Standard]