Pope Verifies Miracle With Boss to Pave Way for New British Saint

By Gary Cutlack on at

The pope has somehow "authenticated" a miracle involving historic English do-gooder Cardinal Newman, which opens up the opportunity for Newman to be handed a full-on sainthood.

In order to become a saint, the person in question needs to have performed at least two verifiable (?) miracles, in the religious equivalent of passing both your practical and theory driving tests. Cardinal Newman already has one official miracle to his name – the curing of spinal disease in one lucky winner who prayed to him – and is now officially credited with answering the prayers of a woman who asked for her internal bleeding issues to be stopped.

According to the pope Newman stepped in from beyond the grave and did indeed fix the woman's problems, so with two confirmed miracles to his name he's cleared to become a proper saint. And seeing as he's up for work at the moment, should we perhaps try asking him to do something about Brexit? [BBC]

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