We're blushing with pride this week at Giz -- our clandestine copper columnist Matt Delito, writing for us since October 2011, published his first book yesterday. Confessions of a Police Constable (from £2.99 over on Amazon) contains some of Delito's more remarkable stories from his years working for the Metropolitan Police, and for the next hour's AMA, the five best questions asked of him will win you a signed copy of his book. Read More >>

Sorry for the long stretch between columns; it's been tough work recalling some of the going-ons from my stint behind bars. Our cell had been fine apart from the smelly kid who for all intents and purposes had lost the plot; he was taken out of the cell and this in turn led to a new cellmate, an older lag who seemed comfortable in his new surroundings instantly, crashing onto his new bunk and shifting things about to make space for himself. Read More >>

"Hey Matt", I heard a familiar voice behind me. It was Pete, rudely interrupting a veritable feast, served on the finest flatware money can buy. Okay, so it was a slightly floppy BLT sandwich on a paper plate, but nonetheless. Read More >>

Most weeks in the comments here, there are comparisons made between cannabis and alcohol, and admittedly, it is a simple comparison to make: They both have effects on behaviour and mental state in one form or another, after all. Read More >>

As we entered the police station, I was sure I was about to get a warning -- most likely a night in the holding cell, I figured. To be honest, after the hours of arguing, and the two days' drinking, sniffing and smoking, I was looking forward to some relaxation. Read More >>

Starving, I was, after a horrendously long morning where every attempt at getting some food down my gullet was scuppered by chance. The timing was so bad, that I decided to do an experiment. Read More >>

If you're out with a friend and he advises you on what pair of trainers to buy, does he then have a right to those trainers? Can he borrow them? No of course he can’t; being in the shop with a mate does not mean you are buying them together. So why is it that if you buy something big (a sofa and arm chair, let's say) with a woman you are sleeping with, does she think her advice constitutes a percentage share of the purchase? Read More >>

It's godawfully early in the morning, and I've been up for several hours already. The one good think about ridiculous shift patterns, I suppose, isn't necessarily that you get any better at waking up at all silly hours of the day, but that you do get better at having at least some of your faculties when you're operating in a sleepy daze. Read More >>

"You've got to be... I mean... On my way," I blurt into my radio, as we're called to a silent alarm at a warehouse for the third time in a shift. Read More >>

Before I get on with the main body of the column I would like to comment on Drugs Live: The Ecstasy Trial, which we saw last week on channel 4. Was Chris Morris creating havoc with a new Brass Eye series; I'm still none too sure. Read More >>

If you thought 'having a case of the Mondays' was bad, you should try dragging yourself out of bed at 4am to make it to work and into uniform for 6am after four days off. Our shift patterns have always been a bit nutty, but the pattern we are on at the moment is actually pretty decent -- in theory, we're six days on, four days off. In practice, we're often six days on, one day on secondment or similar, and three days off. The upside is that we do, indeed, occasionally get four delicious days off on the trot. Read More >>

Ambition is a cruel mistress, and I have long since learned my lesson that if things are going well, leave them alone; be happy with your current “lot” in life and try not to disturb the status quo, as for every easy week, month or year of your life, there are several that are a struggle. Secondly, I have learnt to stick at what you are good at. Read More >>

After a tumultuous few weeks things have started to calm down again; it’s impossible to forecast in any line of business. The recession for me has been on a whole positive; my business fortunes mirroring Pizza Hut, with more people choosing a night in front of a movie than going out on the town. And what makes a film or TV better than a decent bag of herb? Read More >>

A late Thursday afternoon just before my shift was due to finish, I was hiding from the rain under a roof outside a large shopping mall in our borough. 'Hey', I figured. 'The tax payers get the reassurance of a friendly-looking police officer in a highly visible location, and I get the reassurance that despite being out on foot patrol on a soggy day, I get to stay dry. It's a win-win, right?' Read More >>

“I don’t give a flying fu*k about you, where’s my money”? This is not how I expected the conversation to play out, and I was shocked to silence by his conversartion opener. “I have most of your money; just waiting to shift”. My retort was solid and mostly honest, but he did not want to hear any of it. Read More >>