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Siri Makes For a Terrible Fitness Coach

So by now we’ve realised that Siri isn’t the end all of personal assistants that Apple claimed it would be. In fact, as Nick Douglas discovered, she’s particularly unhelpful when it comes to assisting with your morning exercise routine. Continue reading »

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Confirmed: Fleshlight Developing iPad Case You Can Bone

The iPad’s a darn attractive gadget, but that 30-pin connector ain’t made for love. That’s why this Fleshlight-holding iPad case concept caught our eye. Imagine all the things you could pretend to have sex with! And it turns out, it’s not just some crazy, er, pipe dream. It, or something like it, is coming soon. Continue reading »

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NSFW: Crazy Stoned Woman Goes Topless at Apple Store

What’s the only thing more exciting than a new Core i7 MacBook Air at your local Apple Store? No, not the Genius Bar helping you out with a cracked iPhone screen—a ranting, pot-smoking lunatic crashing a Q&A. Naked. Continue reading »

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The Little Rooster Wakes Ladies With A "Cock"-A-Doodle-Doo

It’s an alarm clock! It’s a vibrator! It’s Both! Continue reading »

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The Onion’s Masturbation-Guard Robot Beats the Pants Off a Roomba

As a culture, we’ve been slow to allow robots into our home. But it could be that we’ve just been waiting for the perfect robo-pal. Like, say, the Onion’s TYSO, which stands guard during your most personal moments. NSFW reenactments ahead! Continue reading »

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Apple’s Trying to Boot Hardcore Porn Sites from iPhone Domains

Apparently, dear reader, some websites that a casual observer would assume are Apple sites are actually landing sites for hardcore porn. Apple’s filed a complaint with the World Intellectual Property Organization against seven sites—all of which have iPhone in their url—including the especially troubling iPhone4s.com. (Don’t click that NSFW NSFW url. Porn, it’s porn, NSFW!) Continue reading »

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Video of Skydiving Couple Having Sex Being "Investigated"

This must be the most stupid investigation of the year after the Capitol Police reaction to The Onion’s fake tweets: local police and the FAA are investigating a couple who had sex while skydiving. Continue reading »