Implements for human-robot relations already run the gamut from abstract Fleshlights to fully-articulated, Uncanny Valley-straddling love dolls. But is more realism always better?

So by now we've realised that Siri isn't the end all of personal assistants that Apple claimed it would be. In fact, as Nick Douglas discovered, she's particularly unhelpful when it comes to assisting with your morning exercise routine.

The iPad's a darn attractive gadget, but that 30-pin connector ain't made for love. That's why this Fleshlight-holding iPad case concept caught our eye. Imagine all the things you could pretend to have sex with! And it turns out, it's not just some crazy, er, pipe dream. It, or something like it, is coming soon.

What's the only thing more exciting than a new Core i7 MacBook Air at your local Apple Store? No, not the Genius Bar helping you out with a cracked iPhone screen—a ranting, pot-smoking lunatic crashing a Q&A. Naked. Warning: naked photo below.

It's an alarm clock! It's a vibrator! It's Both!

As a culture, we've been slow to allow robots into our home. But it could be that we've just been waiting for the perfect robo-pal. Like, say, the Onion's TYSO, which stands guard during your most personal moments. NSFW reenactments ahead!

Apparently, dear reader, some websites that a casual observer would assume are Apple sites are actually landing sites for hardcore porn. Apple's filed a complaint with the World Intellectual Property Organization against seven sites—all of which have iPhone in their url—including the especially troubling iPhone4s.com. (Don't click that NSFW NSFW url. Porn, it's porn, NSFW!)

This must be the most stupid investigation of the year after the Capitol Police reaction to The Onion's fake tweets: local police and the FAA are investigating a couple who had sex while skydiving.