Fair warning: If you're just about to tuck into your lunch, you may want to bookmark this post to read later. It's a bit grim. Read More >

Who said dogs aren’t as intelligent as cats? Can a cat call 999 when it’s choking to death? I didn’t think so. But then again a cat probably wouldn’t have wound up strangling itself half to death with a telephone cord in the first place. Read More >

We heard that BT had had enough of its cables getting pinched, but now it’s unleashed the RABIT on the thieving bastards, which should help keep your broadband flowing freely and uninterrupted. Read More >

In the parking lot behind a local Sainsbury's I'm sat with my feet on the dashboard, in the passenger seat of a Panda, waiting for Jay to come back with our lunch. I don't really have any reason for having stayed in the car, other than complete, abject laziness. I suppose I was fiddling with the MDT when we pulled up, but really, that could have waited. Besides, I quite like to have someone else buy my lunch for me. Jay, especially – he's had a vegan girlfriend for a while, a relationship that fell apart a couple of weeks ago, and he's been trying to take revenge by eating as many cows as possible. If you ask me, it's not the greatest way of getting back at an ex, but as long as it makes him happy, who cares. Read More >

London's police force will be managing its Olympic policing using the same ancient software systems that contributed to the poor management of and response to the riots of 2011, and were first brought into service back in the 1980s. Read More >

"Delito", the skipper snaps, peering over his stack of loosely-arranged papers. I look up. "What are you, six years old?" Read More >

New research out of the University of Portsmouth has shown that strenuous exercise in threatening situations, lasting for as little as 60 seconds, has a serious detrimental impact on memory. And there you thought exercise was good for you. Read More >

It's about half-way through my shift, and it has been completely and utterly dead all morning. Sometimes, dead is good, and I'm sure quite a few of my colleagues would disagree with me when I say this, but I much prefer busy. Officially, the shifts are about 9 hours long, with one hour over-lap. Sometimes, that means you are dismissed earlier, because the next shift has managed to get their act together quickly; other times, you're working for fourteen hours straight because you somehow end up with an arrest minutes before the shift is meant to end. Read More >

I open my eyes to a buzzing sound next to my ear. "Bastard fly," I think, and swat at the thin air, hoping that somehow I've grown Mr. Miyagi-style fly-catching skills overnight. A likely scenario. Read More >

Anonymous boasts of itself as being a loose collective, a patchwork of mixed, at times conflicting ideals, sans leadership. It seems to work well for them! Except this nebulousness also lets in pretty much anyone. Including the cops. Read More >

In a massive technology fail, the rozzers kicked in an innocent man’s door after they wrongfully tracked a stolen iPhone to his humble abode. Read More >

I was leaned against the wall outside a maternity clothing store, casually minding my own business. I had been there for about an hour and a half, and with my luck, I'd be there at least another hour. Maybe two. Read More >

The custody sergeant turned to me. "I think Mr. DiCaprio here might be under the influence of drugs or other substances, and to ensure we haven't missed any drugs on his person, I authorise a strip-search of the prisoner at this time". He took a quick glance at the whiteboard behind him. "Please use cell M5 to do the search". Read More >

I turned on the blues on the car, before doing a 3-point turn and pointing the car the right way. Read More >

In a story you just couldn’t make up even if you tried, a junior Sussex police officer sent a plain-clothes copper on a wild goose-chase around town, literally chasing his own shadow for 20 minutes. Read More >