Five Amazing Uses For the Humble Turd

By Jacob Lewis on at

You are going to feel so stupid for flushing away your precious turds your whole life. It turns out you've been producing brown gold everyday and didn't even know it. Take a read of these amazing uses for your poop -- you won't want to waste another drop.


Eat It

Vegetarians rejoice! A bonkers Japanese scientist has figured out how to make brown bacon out of 'sewage mud'. He extracts all the tasty protein from human excrement and makes a delicious meat substitute. But don't rush down to Tesco just yet, nutty professor Mitsuyuki Ikeda says his turd burgers are still too pricey to start mass producing right now. Still, he hopes to get the price down for mere mortals soon. Quorn, your days are numbered. [Via: TechBlog]


Write On It

Sheep, Panda, Reindeer, Rhino, and Elephant dung have all been used to create lovely notepads or photo 'alBUMs'. It's the high fibre diet in these animals that makes their poop so paperable, so you'd better eat lots of Weetabix if you fancy turning your own turds into textbooks. [Via: Mental Floss]


Drink It

Image credit: Wikipedia and Shutterstock

Picking half digested coffee beans out of poo is a time consuming process, which makes poo-coffee the most expensive in the world. The cute little Luwak is a mammal from the Philippines who loves to eat coffee cherries. The locals just love to sell coffee made out of it's poop to silly tourists as Kopi Luwak. Half digested coffee beans apparently have a better flavour, but you won't catch me falling for that crap. [Via: Mental Floss]


Studiously Log It

Tired of taking a notepad and paper to the toilet to keep up with your poo diary? I know I am. Poo Log for the iPhone and iPad aims to help you note down every detail of every poo you ever create. The app let's you classify your droppings as anything from 'epidural please' to 'smooth like butter baby'. Your movements are then logged in a graph for later scrutiny. There's even a "poo pastimes" trivia game, to test your crap knowledge. It's available now for low price of 69p for iPad and iPhone.


Blow the Crap Out of It

Image credit: Shutterstock

Sea bird, seal and bat poop were everyones favourite poo in the 1840's when they were discovered to be an amazing nitrogen fertiliser, but most importantly, they also contain sodium nitrate; great for making TNT. It was so valuable for blowing things up that wars were fought over islands coated up to 45-metres-deep in the stuff. Sodium nitrate is used as a food preservative nowadays, so you probably have it in your poo too. So, what are you waiting for? Turn all that excrement into explosives, handy for all those demolition jobs. [Via: Mental Floss]

Main image credit: Toilets from Shutterstock