Ball, ball ball, footie, footie footie. Three lions on a shirt. Jumpers for goalposts. Sepp Blatter's backhanders. It's World Cup time! Like it or loathe it, the beautiful game will be inescapable for the next month, as the world's attention turns to the greatest competition on Earth.
Where once we'd have all been huddled around the wireless trying to hear how Bobby Moore was getting on and having to imagine Bobby Charlton's wispy combover blowing in the wind, there are now more ways than ever to watch the World Cup. Whether sat in front of your living room TV or catching up with a game on a mobile stream, this guide will make sure you don't miss a single match.
How to Watch the World Cup at Home
The World Cup, thankfully, is always shown on terrestrial TV, meaning that every game is shown on one of the BBC's or ITV's channels. There's no need to sign up to Sky Sports for a month, and BT Sport and ESPN won't have live coverage either. Group games have already been split between BBC and ITV. After that, the Beeb will get its pick first from the last 16 and semi-final games, while ITV will gets first dibs on choosing a quarter-final match first. The World Cup 2014 final will be shown on both BBC One and ITV on July 13th at 8pm.
Thanks to its Red Button programming, the BBC's coverage looks the most comprehensive. With daily news round-ups and video features they've got every base covered. Through the interactive service you'll even have the option of picking alternative commentary teams if the standard pairings aren't to your liking.
For a full look at the fixtures, including the channel that each group game is being broadcast on, scroll down to the bottom of this post.
On a Computer
Both the BBC's iPlayer and and ITV's ITV Player catch-up services are available on computers, and with both offering live streaming of their respective TV channels, you'll be able to catch a game on your computer or laptop if those devices are all that's at your disposal. Though Sky doesn't have any TV rights to show the games, it's cut a deal so that its Sky Go customers can stream ITV's matches to their laptops.
On Games Consoles
If you're looking to watch some of the World Cup through a games console, you're best served this year by the Xbox One. Microsoft has just launched its OneGuide TV integration feature, and with that comes the Destination Brazil World Cup-themed dashboard page and Brazil Now snap app. Brazil Now is the star of the show here -- while it doesn't stream the matches itself, it lets you snap real-time stat-tracking info onto the side of your screen, as well as pulling in commentary from Twitter. It looks great, the best example yet of the Xbox One's entertainment-supplementing potential.
While the Xbox One doesn't have iPlayer catch-up options, you'll be able to livestream the BBC's games through iPlayer on the PS4, PS3 and Xbox 360. The PS3 also has ITV's ITV Player app, if you're looking to watch its coverage through a console.
It's worth grabbing the PS4's BBC Sport app too -- it will livestream the BBC's matches, and is already full of great round-up features to get you excited about the tournament.
As for Wii U owners? Well, there are always fan-made highlight reels from YouTube, right?
This was supposed to be the first proper 4K World Cup, but that's turned out to be not the case. Though the BBC is trialling 4K broadcasts of three games, it'll be purely for the eyes of the Beeb's R&D teams and electronics suppliers. Sony will be making a 4K documentary on the tournament available at a later date though, so you'll eventually get some use out of your ridiculously expensive screen.
How to Watch the World Cup on a Smartphone or Tablet
According to research commissioned by John Lewis, two thirds (63 per cent) of World Cup viewers will be juggling three screens while watching the matches -- one being their TVs, along with a smartphone and tablet. That's 10.7 million smartphones and 7.8 million tablets by its reckoning -- enough tablets to cover 174 football pitches.
As with streaming to a laptop, your best bet on iOS, Android and Windows Phone smartphones or tablets is to use the BBC iPlayer or ITV Player applications.
BlackBerry users will have to make do with the iPlayer and ITV Player web versions.
Outside of the major BBC and ITV apps, there are few apps to stream the games to a mobile device. But, hey, we're talking about the internet here! Where there's a will, theres a way, and there will be plenty of websites offering live streams of games if you look around on your browser. To give you a head start, check out -- WiziWig TV: it's already got a holding page in place for matches it's compiling from live broadcasters. If you're lucky, you might even get some commentary from an Italian commentating team. GOOOOOOOALAASSIO!
Just as with its Sky Go laptop offering, Sky's on-the-go streaming customers will be able to watch any of ITVs matches through the Sky Go app on a tablet or mobile device too. Pick up Sky Go for iOS devices here, and for Android here.
Where to Watch the World Cup on a Big Screen
You may not have a ticket to Rio, but that doesn't mean you have to stay indoors on your lonesome to watch the games. Public screenings are a great way to catch some of the passion of the tournament, and you've plenty of options to choose from.
Leeds' Millenium Square will offer free big-screen showings of the major games, while there's a particularly fun-sounding series of beach screenings planned in Brighton. The Newcastle O2 Academy will also be showing games.
While a cinema, gig venue or museum may have room for the biggest screens, if you really want a stadium-like atmosphere, complete with drunken tacticians and expletive-ridden commentary, you'll want to be heading down to the pub. You can guarantee that your local will almost certainly have the football on provided they've got a TV, but if you want to double check, www.MatchPint.co.uk is a good place to start when hunting down a nearby footy-focussed boozer.
If you've a recommendation for a local public screening or pub with a particularly good atmosphere, be sure to let us all know in the comments below.
World Cup 2014 Fixtures
Finally, here's a list of every World Cup 2014 game, including time, stadium locations and, for the group games, which TV channel will be showing them.
GROUP A - BRAZIL, CAMEROON, MEXICO, CROATIA
June 12th Sao Paulo, 21:00 -- Brazil v Croatia (ITV, ITV HD)
June 13th Natal, 17:00 -- Mexico v Cameroon (ITV, ITV HD)
June 17th Fortaleza, 20:00 -- Brazil v Mexico (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 18th Manaus, 20:00 -- Cameroon v Croatia (ITV, ITV HD)
June 23rd Brasilia, 21:00 -- Cameroon v Brazil (ITV, ITV HD)
June 23rd Recife, 21:00 -- Croatia v Mexico (ITV 4, ITV 4 HD)
GROUP B - SPAIN, CHILE, AUSTRALIA , HOLLAND
June 13th Salvador, 20:00 -- Spain v Holland (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 13th Cuiaba, 23:00 -- Chile v Australia (ITV, ITV HD)
June 18th Rio de Janeiro, 23:00 -- Spain v Chile (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 18th Porto Alegre, 17:00 -- Australia v Holland (ITV, ITV HD)
June 23rd Curitiba, 17:00 -- Australia v Spain (ITV, ITV HD)
June 23rd Sao Paulo, 17:00 -- Holland v Chile (ITV 4, ITV 4 HD)
GROUP C - COLOMBIA, IVORY COAST, JAPAN, GREECE
June 14th Belo Horizonte, 17:00 -- Colombia v Greece (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 14th Recife, 23:00 -- Ivory Coast v Japan (ITV, ITV HD)
June 19th Brasilia, 17:00 -- Colombia v Ivory Coast (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 19th Natal, 23:00 -- Japan v Greece (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 24th Cuiaba, 21:00 -- Japan v Colombia (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 24th Fortaleza, 21:00 -- Greece v Ivory Coast (BBC Three, BBC Three HD)
GROUP D - URUGUAY, ITALY, COSTA RICA, ENGLAND
June 14th Fortaleza, 20:00 -- Uruguay v Costa Rica (ITV, ITV HD)
June 14th Manaus, 23:00 -- England v Italy (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 19th Sao Paulo, 20:00 -- Uruguay v England (ITV, ITV HD)
June 20th Recife, 17:00 -- Italy v Costa Rica (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 24th Natal, 17:00 -- Italy v Uruguay (ITV 4, ITV 4 HD)
June 24th Belo Horizonte, 17:00 -- Costa Rica v England (ITV, ITV HD)
GROUP E - SWITZERLAND, ECUADOR, HONDURAS, FRANCE
June 15th Brasilia, 17:00 -- Switzerland v Ecuador (ITV, ITV HD)
June 15th Porto Alegre, 20:00 -- France v Honduras (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 20th Salvador, 20:00 -- Switzerland v France (ITV, ITV HD)
June 20th Curitiba, 23:00 -- Honduras v Ecuador (ITV, ITV HD)
June 25th Manaus, 21:00 -- Honduras v Switzerland (BBC Three, BBC Three HD)
June 25th Rio de Janeiro, 21:00 -- Ecuador v France (BBC One, BBC One HD)
GROUP F - ARGENTINA, NIGERIA, IRAN, BOSNIA-HERZEGOVINA
June 15th Rio de Janeiro, 23:00 -- Argentina v Bosnia-Herzegovina (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 16th Curitiba, 20:00 -- Iran v Nigeria (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 21st Belo Horizonte, 17:00 -- Argentina v Iran (ITV, ITV HD)
June 21st Cuiaba, 23:00 -- Nigeria v Bosnia-Herzegovina (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 25th Porto Alegre, 17:00 -- Nigeria v Argentina (ITV, ITV HD)
June 25th Salvador, 17:00 -- Bosnia-Herzegovina v Iran (ITV 4, ITV 4 HD)
GROUP G - GERMANY, GHANA, UNITED STATES, PORTUGAL
June 16th Salvador, 17:00 -- Germany v Portugal (ITV, ITV HD)
June 16th Natal, 23:00 -- Ghana v United States (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 21st Fortaleza, 20:00 -- Germany v Ghana (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 22nd Manaus, 20:00 -- United States v Portugal (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 26th Recife, 17:00 -- United States v Germany (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 26th Brasilia, 17:00 -- Portugal v Ghana (BBC Three, BBC Three HD)
GROUP H - BELGIUM, ALGERIA, SOUTH KOREA, RUSSIA
June 17th Belo Horizonte, 17:00 -- Belgium v Algeria (ITV, ITV HD)
June 17th Cuiaba, 23:00 -- Russia v South Korea (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 22nd Rio de Janeiro, 23:00 -- Belgium v Russia (BBC One, BBC One HD)
June 22nd Porto Alegre, 17:00 -- South Korea v Algeria (ITV, ITV HD)
June 26th Sao Paulo, 21:00 -- South Korea v Belgium (ITV, ITV HD)
June 26th Curitiba, 21:00 -- Algeria v Russia (ITV 4, ITV 4 HD)
Match 49 - June 28th Belo Horizonte, 17:00 -- Winner A v Runner-up B
Match 50 - June 28th Rio de Janeiro, 21:00 -- Winner C v Runner-up D
Match 51 - June 29th Fortaleza, 17:00 -- Winner B v Runner-up A
Match 52 - June 29th Recife, 21:00 -- Winner D v Runner-up C
Match 53 - June 30th Brasilia, 17:00 -- Winner E v Runner-up F
Match 54 - June 30th Porto Alegre, 21:00 -- Winner G v Runner-up H
Match 55 - July 1st Sao Paulo, 17:00 -- Winner F v Runner-up E
Match 56 - July 1st Salvador, 21:00 -- Winner H v Runner-up G
Match 57 - July 4th Fortaleza, 21:00 -- Winner Match 49 v Winner Match 50
Match 58 - July 4th Rio de Janeiro -- 17:00: Winner Match 53 v Winner Match 54
Match 59 - July 5th Salvador, 21:00 -- Winner Match 51 v Winner Match 52
Match 60 - July 5th Brasilia, 17:00 -- Winner Match 55 v Winner Match 56
July 8th Belo Horizonte, 21:00 -- Winner Match 57 v Winner Match 58
July 9th Sao Paulo, 21:00 -- Winner Match 59 v Winner Match 60
July 12th Brasilia -- 21:00
July 13th Rio de Janeiro -- 20:00 (BBC One, BBC One HD, ITV, ITV HD)